Sinister: Constant Spray

[Martin Robinson]

Hello,

I lost faith with Radiohead with that Anyone Can Play guitar song, I
thought wow punk rock yeah I can play guitar. So when I found out I
really couldn't and that that Steve Jones was a quite accomplished
guitarist on Never Mind the Bollocks and some of the "licks" as I
believe they can be called are rather troublesome to play. I was going
to write a song in response called Anyone Can Write a Song Better Than
Anyone Can Play Guitar but I though better of it as, a) I could only
play 2 guitar chords and at a speed that makes Galaxie 500 sound like
Napalm Death, and b) where would it end if they replied to that and the
banter kept going to and fro. We'd have a song title longer than that
Fiona Apple album. Apparently the new Constant Spray album title was
going to be a synopsis of world history since the dawn of time, but it
wouldn't fit on the CD cover. Call that progress? I think not. They
settled in the end for "Atlas dropped us long ago" which isn't half as
good, though less than half as long I guess. I do admire the way Ocean
Spray write songs in Volapuk, as it does appear to be the true
international language of angst and not just a throw back to 19th
Century British imperialism. Somehow words seem more touching with an
umlaut or two, or is that just me? My fave song is "If I give you the
time will you wait for me", which is a exploration of the 4th dimension.
Though the middle 8 detailing the plot lines of all 3 Back to the Future
films does, I admit, devalue its credibility. Probably one of those
ideas that seemed good at the time, much like the October Russian
Revolution (or November if you have a differing calendic opinion, I'm
currently a Juliean but that's another story). Actually, I think of
Radiohead much in the same way as Josef Stalin, and see Belle and
Sebastian more as Leon Trotsky, will it end when Stu picks a fight and
they all get axed on tour in Mexico. Sorry.. ummm as for Lenin I see him
as the picture on my wall I kiss before I go to bed every night. I was
going to write a dissertation on a comparison of Lennon and Lenin once,
the conclusion being that where one says no the other says i, hello,
goodbye etc. But now I'm starting to lose the plot much like any Yoko
Ono album. Actually has anyone ever heard a Yoko Ono album? What would
go through your mind as you positioned it upon your record player and
think I'd quite like to hear Yoko sing now.

I'm also glad someone mentioned the comedic values of Willie Carson on A
Question of Sport earlier today, as I'm starting a campaign to get rid
of John Parrot and little Willie would be an ideal replacement. And also
a fitting farewell and memorial to Ethel from Eastenders. The 'enders
just isn't the same without ol' perky Ethel and a little jovial jockey
under her arm. Plus then Dot might not be be wrecking chemist shops and
instead have her feet up with a cup of Rosy and a slice of cake watching
hilarious sporting banter. Though you never see people in soaps watching
TV do you? Reflection of real life my arse. Or something... Anyway, I'm
probably going to that Scalarama thingy on Saturday, I'll be the one
singing "(I've had) The Time of My Life" on the karaoke machine all
night wearing a Dum Dums t-shirt. Don't worry it won't be ironic.

Te ra,

Martin

P.S Ally, you nicked my slugs and snails can I have them back? Or at
least feed them some crab sticks, they like them.




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