Sinister: Flaming? Would that be original recipe or extra crispy?

[Laura Llew]

Nice day for a sulk
That girl smells of milk.

Its ME - Lleweth at deletethisbithotmail.com coming loud and clearly fuzzy from 
North Carolinaaaa. Can you believe that my probation came up so quickly? Boy 
time flies. We’ve returned to discussing the fall again. (The season not the 
misinterpretation of a gift of an apple to Adam. Poor Eve. She gets all the 
heat for that – which can’t be comfortable in that fig leaf – and it was 
probably all Adam’s fault for being hard to shop for).  Now, I am sure that 
you all of you are curious/could care less/are now sticking wooden corks in 
your hears so you won’t have to hear what I have been up to this summer, so 
allow me to fill you in. It was a fantastic summer. I spent a part of my 
time at the beach. While I was there I was splashing around in the ocean and 
this guy thought I was drowning. He came over to check out the scene and in 
that brief encounter we basically fell in love. We spent the rest of the 
summer just hanging out together. We got friendly down in the sand and we 
made out under the dock. We even stayed out until ten o'clock. Now, I know 
that a lot of you are like, hey tell me more, tell me more! Let me just say 
it was good. Of course, like all good things my summer loving had to come to 
an end. It was really hard leaving but there on that beach we made a true 
love vow. I wonder what he's doing now? I hope he doesn't show up at my new 
school and act all different around his roughneck friends. Aw well, I guess 
I could work it out in the end. But if that sort of thing happened twice, it 
would really suck.

So, now I’m back in school. Contrary to what a certain red head from Oregon 
(whose ideas I consistently steal in hopes he’ll write songs about me), 
teachers do not prefer it when you spell come "cum". No sir, they don’t. 
They also don’t like it when you miss a couple of weeks of class because you 
were out frolicking on a road trip up to Boston, Maine, Canada and other 
such places. New England in the fall – what a wonderful trip it was. (Even 
if I did miss "bobbing for durians" with Mr. Gazzetti). On the trip, it was 
Llew-cifer (me), Lucy-fer, and all the guys we could pick up. So basically, 
it was just the two of us (don’t worry – more Will Smith lyrics to 
follow!!). It involved harassing waiters and waitresses to write us poetry, 
getting hit on in strange places (first time I was called sexy in a 
cemetery. Morgue sure but never a cemetery), and making fun of girls wearing 
glorified lamp shades who turn cartwheels on cruise ships while singing 
sickly country medleys and then spend the rest of the time talking about how 
demanding their career as a singer and a dancer is.

***
We now interrupt this drivel for a spot that should be a standard part of 
every post.

At least 5 Reasons Why Will Porter Should Be Worshipped:
1. When I say "la de da" he enthusiastically screams "Annie Hall" and then 
joins me in minutes of sheer pleasure in quoting from this Woody Allen 
classic.
2. He makes LOVE not WAR. When there was a heated debate over the spelling 
of Don Quixote he intervened with his brilliance and restored peace to all 
of #sinister without making anyone feel bad.
3. He listens to "Candy" with me even though he knows it makes me 
desperately sad
3AgainSinceTheLast3.Was Sad.  He’s Perfect
4. He says I look like a girl he once had a crush on which means if I 
actually had a personality, increased my intelligence 100 fold, and moved 
across to the western part of the United States that I might have a chance 
with a brilliant boy.
5. He waits until after I’m gone to fix what Aunt Sadie says about me.  
Stuart Murdoch is still my cabana boy but now he is one in a grammatically 
correct fashion. I’m sure this makes Stu a lot happier.
F. When I say, "her hand was steadily moving up my thigh" he completely 
picks up on the next lyric. Excellent. Nothing like a boy being able to 
quote old school rap with me. I consider being able to stop traffic because 
you’re too busy busting out a Beastie Boys song to move to be a requirement 
in being my friend.

Now back to our regularly scheduled post.
***

Jan Imgrund, the man behind all the work on the literary list, should also 
be worshipped. Mmm, I love the lit list. I have read some brilliant books 
because of y’all and have met even cooler people through that project. I’m 
quite grateful. I also love it when people send me random poems. How lovely! 
I believe that I told people that I would let them know when I read their 
boook suggestions and what I thought, but I really haven’t followed through 
on that. It doesn’t mean I haven’t read your suggestion(s) though!

I’m not the only one who has liked the literary list. Here are what some 
others have said about the list and their favorite books thereon (and really 
this has nothing to do with staring at book promo posters for too long):

"My favorite was spirited, horsey, amazingly revealing." – Lady Godiva
"Tasty" – The Donner Party
"Good reads with a stiff drink." -- Socrates
"I give Laura Llew an A" –Nathaniel Hawthorne
"Loved parts of it, hated the rest." – Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde
"You can’t beat these books." Marquis de Sade
"I laughed my head off." – Marie Antoinette
"I couldn’t put it down." – Atlas
"Words can’t describe this list."—Noah Webster
"I love this list." – Giacomo Girolamo Casanova

Well, kiddies, I think it's time for me to go. I'm in the computer lab at 
school and I am about to turn into a lauracicle since the school is 
obviously too cheap to have heating. The whole time I've been writing this 
I've been noticing the lab TA trying to surreptiously look at pornography.

I love quality "education".

Laura
(don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.)

PS- Martin Robinson – I randomly sent you a mix tape a month or so ago and 
it was returned to me the other day with lots of scribbling on it. I don’t 
have my special decoder ring to decipher what is written or if it was just 
you using what you had since you didn’t have a bathroom stall handy. Either 
way, I was sad that I was rejected.
PPS- Mark C. I don’t know if I offended you (which I didn’t think was 
possible) or what but please let me know how I might beg your forgiveness 
and be on your good side again.
PPPS- Mad (but late) birthday shoutz out to Bill Harris
PPPPS- Apologies to Juicy Lucy for butchering the English Language. You 
should hear me speak. Actually, you shouldn't.
PPPPPS- My friend, Lucy (aka - LizzyBorden), wants to know who voted for 
Brier Random on list crush so she can rub you out.. erh congratulate you for 
your good taste. "Close your doors and latch it. Lizzy's got a brand new 
hatchet."
PPPPPPS- I hope everyone noticed that Matthew12907 who is another NC 
sinisterine posted. These are things to be noticed - like Arches of Loaf 
mentions (also from NC).
PPPPPPPS-I hope I misspelled something so that someone corrects me. It's the 
only time I get responses from my posts.




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