Sinister: wasting away the endless monatanous days..

[Tigerxdare at xxx.com]

so i've been sitting in my room and listening to b&s alot. and alot of really 
sad slow music. autumn is my favorite time of year, yet i feel miserable. i 
go to school, then come home and have absolutely no energy or desire to do 
anything. sometimes i end up going out with my friends but once i am out i 
just want to go home and sleep. i dont know why i am so sad lately. i guess 
maybe it is because i am stuck in this routine of school and work and just 
living here in a place that i am sick of with nothing new or exciting left to 
see or do. i try so hard to see the value of everything i have, and i feel 
selfish for even thinking this way. i mean there are people out there 
starving in some third world country and here i am bitching about how sad i 
am, like it's the worst thing to ever happen in the world. i dont mean to be 
selfish though..i just want to be happy, or at least semi-happy. (i am of the 
opinion that noone is really ever 100 percent happy unless they are lying to 
themselves). i spend my time listening to music and alternating between cups 
of hot tea with too much sugar, and bottles of hard lemonade.
    maybe it is the whole boy situation that makes me feel sad. here i am, 
with a boy who likes me and what do i do? well i decide i dont really want 
him at all, even though 2 weeks ago i thought he was the cutest thing i had 
ever seen. here he is being so sweet to me and what do i do? i date other 
boys and didnt even tell him about it even though i know should have at least 
mentioned it.  when things got more serious with us i stopped seeing the 
other boys though. i don't want to hurt anyone, but yet that is what i always 
end up doing. 
  i am stuck in this horrible rut and no matter how hard i try to see the 
light at the end of the tunnel, it just seems like everything around me is 
pitch black and i'm left stumbling alone in the darkness..
  i just thought id share this all with you, maybe someone here feels the 
same way and knowing that there is someone else who feels the same way is 
comforting..i know when i am sad i tend to feel disconnected from everyone. 
isolated..and i know there are people out there who feel this way too, but 
unless i actually hear someone else say it i still end up feeling like i am 
the only one..
  that all for now..oh, does anyone know whether the new hefner cd got 
released in the us? its suppose to be out but i think it just got released in 
the uk as of now, since i cant seem to find it anywhere..

  lauren

"i'm trying to drink away the part of the day that i can't sleep away-mm"
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