Sinister: "when you penetrate to the most high you will feel. . . ."

[Phillip Runion]

it snowed today but it did not stay.
someone on "goodbye enemy airship the landlord is dead"
yells "it's christmas time" and i noyiced it for the first time today.
i recieved a call from one of my best friends in scotland who emphasized how 
happy she was by saying it over and over again. by the third time i knew she 
was rolling.
first time roller! Hurray!-- but wait, a quiet whisper inside my head asks, 
is it really? and i knew that my conscience had yet another thing to set its 
meat hooks into. Why should this bother me, someone else, be it a good 
friend, taking drugs? i used to use drugs quite often, but have been 
surprisingly sober for 3/4 of a year now (with the exception of a "pass the 
joint" after having far too many bevvy's (and i know. drink could be counted 
as a drug, but i don't count it.)) besides that:spic&span. Having played a 
role in the "drug culture" and eaten my fair share of potato chips, and 
having quite enjoyed myself at the time, i wonder to myself why this bothers 
me. one of the reasons is that i quite liked her because she never used, and 
i could still get on with her and all, whilst mostly all of my other friends 
were users also. the innocent appeal, yeah. She says that she won't do it 
again (not that i critisized, it is a fucking asshole who critsizes someone 
for rolling while they are rolling(other drugs apply as well)) that she 
thought she'd just try it out. Yeah. . . myself and many other people i knew 
said the very same thing. once a thing like that has you, that is it. you 
may not go out of your way to find it, but if it slides in under your nose, 
who's to say, ya know? i guess that i am almost anti-drug now. i take some 
flack for it from people i used to smoke with, etc. The temptation just 
isn't there any more. bordem and laziness just got so they weren't my thing. 
I think hearing that she had taken ecstacy may have caused me to start 
asking myself how much i miss all that, though. less about how i don't 
really want her to get into that kind of scene (although that is very 
present) and more about whether i am really past any (be it minor) addiction 
i might have (had). I think that i'll talk to her about it, though. 
Tomorrow, the day after.
This week has been painstakingly mundane. Thank the good Lord for Godspeed 
you Black emporer. it is the closest thing to a religious experience i've 
had since the last time i walked past a church and laughed at it.
Anyway. Sorry. i feel that i've said absolutely nothing.
yours,
phil r
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