Sinister: Sauce!

[chris lampinen]

Hello dears!

Today I woke up and decided it would be a sauce day. I promptly stripped out 
of my pjs and rolled off my bed onto the floor, where I proceeded to cover 
every inch of my naked body with Ragu. Why, you may ask? Because I am a 
saucy boy!

So, covered with sauce I wandered outside. The neighbors looked at me, and I 
smiled. I said 'hello!' They said 'hello Sauce Boy,' but in honor of Friend 
Bear I asked them to turn it around and call me Boy Sauce instead. Well, 
after a cigarette I decided it was time for a jog. I rambled down the street 
with the neighbors yelling "Look! There's Boy Sauce running down the 
street!" behind me.

I returned home all sweaty and saucy. I took a shower and put on my favorite 
cardigan and kilt, all the while singing "I Had the Time of My Life."

After an hour or so of singing I got a bit bored. I went to the mall and 
threw rocks at young boys and their mothers. Why? Because I am MEAN. Grr!

I hit one little boy rather hard in the elbow and his mother got quite 
irritated. She started chasing me. I ducked into the bathroom. Here is where 
B&S come into play.

I needed a disguise so that Angry Mom wouldn't recognize me upon my exit. 
The problem was all I had was a rather small Bus shirt that I had just 
purchased at Sam Goody.

I wasted no time.

The kilt and cardigan were tossed into the waste bin, as well as my undies 
(just in case she had got a glimpse while I was running). That left me with 
a fairly tight fitting B&S shirt that barely ran past my belly button, and 
nothing else. Well, I used to be in cub scouts, so I'm quite resourceful. I 
took the paperclip that i always keep in my wallet (cub scout, remember) and 
made a makeshift diaper with my B&S shirt. I strutted out of the restrooms 
proudly, laughing at the confused mother standing next to the door.

Not recognizing me, she complimented my hips. I have sexy hips.

Yes. So now you know how useful a B&S shirt can be.

Love,
Christiaan
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