Sinister: Ronan, slugs and Eddie Stowbart

[Martin Robinson]

Dear people,

I feel icky, but then again I always slightly nauseous when Ally Cook is
in town. I've been absent from these fair Sinister waters for a while as
I've been conducting my own Big Brother experiment by locking 10 slugs
in a shoebox. It's all on the web, the one that gets voted off every
week gets salted, oo you should have seen that silly Mel Slug shrivel
up. Its at http://slugsdiehere.com. It's all very interesting, you
should see the slugs in a jacuzzi it really is quite a beautiful sight,
well it's more a puddle in an ashtray that I blow into with a straw but
the slugs like it. The only problem came when I left them for a few
minutes and a flatmate dipped Darren Slug in a tomato garlic dip and ate
him. I did have an argument with said flatmate at the hospital while his
stomach was being pumped out about whether slugs are just snails without
mobile homes. But I think I lost it again, a bit like Ethel was doing
just before she died. You know when your mind goes blank and all you
think about is fish and watching your back for sharks? Anyway, RIP
Ethel, I just hope Dot can live with herself. I know I couldn't live
with her, but at least I tried, some things just aren't meant to be...
Actually one of the slugs left a trail to a gingerbread cottage but
that's another story of super shiny boys. I mean letting girls walk over
you is one thing but slugs? Actually speaking from personal experience
it's nearly as exciting as duct tape. Sorry I lost the plot again
haven't I? It's not easy holding a grasp on reality after having
intentionally eaten a Pot Noodle. But don't worry, I am happy.

Christiaan talked about nudity and trucks which was nice. Reminded me of
a holiday in Skegness involving a fleet of Eddie Stowbarts, two Latvian
Au Pairs and a Super Size Snicker. Those were the days... Did anyone see
that bloke who rode the Big Dipper rollercoaster or whatever for 3
months? He obviously was a big dipstick. I mean like anyone, I have a
lot of respect for what Ronan Keating says but I'm pretty sure Life is a
Rollercoaster is more an analogy for the ups and downs of life rather
than an instruction to strap yourself in and just riding it for 3
months. Or something. Never take anything too literally from someone who
wears my parent's curtains for trousers. 

Well all's well that ends well.

Te ra,

Martin 

P.S I went to a foreign land recently, it was big and had Target stores
that sell Target pants. Thank you for everyone who put up with me
including lovely Little Bitch Julie, Bareback Ree, Silver Space Cowboy
Ben, Dancing Queen Brian, 2-Pad King Phil, Liftspray Matt... oh I'm
making all these people it's obvious isn't it? I mean how could anyone
ever get the nickname Liftspray? I admit it, I spent the whole time over
there in cheerleader camp. It was the time of my life, I'd never felt
that way before. It's amazing what you can do with a pom pom.


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