Sinister: 13 Tales from semi-Suburban Tweedom

[Greg Pallis]

    I
I know at least two people here have read Infinite Jest, 'cos it was being
discussed when I was a nursery grub, all of three weeks ago, so I thought it
might vaguely amuse these people to know that I'm currently writing an essay
called "Sweet let me see your face" - Veiled Heroines in Wallace's 'Infinite
Jest' and Shakespeare's 'Much Ado About Nothing' " for my nice new "You can
write anything as long as it's loosely to do with Shakespeare" English
teacher. Who almost certainly hasn't read Infinite Jest. But that's fair
enough because I haven't read 'Much Ado'. At all. Ah, wacky sixth-form jinks
(Jinx? Jinxs?)...

    II
Sigh, two whole posts and not one list crush vote :P Still, I'm really not
that bothered, for I have finally abandoned my very Belle Lettres crush on
the heart-stoppingly P.G.O.A.T blonde girl who likes U.K. garage, and it has
finally occured to me that the way the lovely Ada who likes Abstract Jazz
and Britney Spears and Squee keeps holding my hand may not be entirely
platonic. Which is nice.

    III
My twee-est friend Alex (he has a Marty the Martian watch, for crying out
loud) celebrated the fact that I no longer stand in his way to /her/ (so
that's only half the school that does, now :P) by lending me a Billy Mahonie
CD. Which is atrocious - very tedious and largely emotionless post-rock
clichée. But it's the thought that counts. I think. I may give it back
tommorow and demand his Kid Koala CD instead. Kid Koala rocks my world -
Napster 'Barhopper 1' today....

    IV
Absolutely fantastic, on the other hand, is Ella Fitzgerald, in particular
"Sunshine of your Love". Sure it's famous, or at least she is (My Funny
Valentine, popkids?), but it truly is absolutely unbelievably soulful, and
is currently clocking in at my second-and-a-half favestest track on Earth.
The half is because live tracks don't really count, and Mogwai/Arthur
Baker's masterpiece 'Our Father Our King' is as yet unreleased. It will be
soon, maybe hopefully, though.

    V
Top pop stomp, still, though, and probably forever is Century of Fakers,
which I'm sure must be true of anyone who got into B&S through 369 being
played on the radio. Is everyone's first B&S sound their fave (excluding
LLPJ, which seems to be wuvved by all, including me)? My dad agrees
Century's the bestest B&S, so nyah, but that's prolly 'cos I was careful to
play it to him first...

    VI
Still on the subject of monder patental parent, who is instilling in me a
taste for John Baez that makes me feel young fogeyish and a bit guilty, he
asked me what sort of people B&S fans were, and I said they were the smart
kids who had nothing to rebel against. Is that maybe a bit harsh? I wasn't
meaning to be - B&S seem to have a higher proportion of happy fans than any
other bands I can think of... it's our whole twee lifestyle, I guess :)

    VII
So, whatcha think of this Mercury business then? Nice to see the Delgadoes
get some recognition, nicer still to hear Stuart Delgado laying into Richard
Ashcroft, Coldplay and Doves on Xfm. No B&S, though, which is a bit of a
pity - maybe they'll get a Brit again.

    VIII
>I saw Dandy Warhols the other day......they were cool....
Yes, they are, aren't they? Good source of e-mail titles too. 'Bohemian Like
You' is especially ace, puncturing that whole Bohemian myth with just the
right amount of affection and yet another killer pop hook. I'm starting to
think they may be the only good, post-1980, pure indie/rock and not folk or
experimental or whatever-influenced band, like, ever.

IX
Oh yeah, the Pixies.

X
And radiohead, sometimes, if we're going to be pedantic.

XI
Hefner, Trail of Dead, Pulp, some Oasis, some Blur, ummm... okay. I was
wrong. I blame the government.

XII
You know those posts that say: "I doubt anyone's read this far down"? I
wonder if there's actually anyone on Sinister who really does just think:
"Naaah, this is too long..." and gives up on posts halfway through? If so,
could they reply to this and confirm their existence? Ahhh... It's funny
because he knows it's obvious and appears to hope it will squeeze into the
category of "funny because it's not", but in fact the very artifice of the
manouvere drives it out of that category, yet it simply bounces into the
"funny because it's not funny because it's not funny" category, and lives
there and is happy and makes purring noises and is funny.

XIII
Finally, some smut, to keep Honey and maybe some other similarly scary
popsmutters happy. Whenever someone mentions the mentions the painter
Constable, my friend John told me he can't help hearing: "C*nt stubble.".
And now nor can I. And now nor will most of you. For the rest of your lives.
Hope no-one's doing any Art courses :)

Well, that took 1.5 hours of caffeinated essay-time. Byeee!
@^Greg^@


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