Sinister: mushy peas, Dale

[carey lander]

this is something i've tried so long to suppress. my
tongue is patterned with perforations, ive bitten it
so often. but i. just. cant . help. myself. must.
rant...

i dont know what it says about me but i always get a
bit obsessed with my jobs and my conversation, such as
it is, becomes weighed down with dull retail
references. this is taking it a bit further...
in a few sparkling weeks i am leaving my job in
tescos, the leading british supermarket, and running
off a bit far away to do something else maybe. so
before i go and wash away the pain of the last 11
months, i'd like to revel in the worst moments just a
little and offer some advice about how you, the
customer, can make your shopping experience less
traumatic for the foxy shelf-stacker girls in aisle 7.

just because im putting out the catfood doesnt mean i
want to know about your kittie's favourite meat.

just because i put out cous cous doesnt mean i know
what it is. im dumb

just because i work in a supermarket doesnt mean i'm
brainless and futureless.

dont ask stupid questions like "where's the milk?"
(its in the fridge durr) because im not allowed to
swear at you. which isnt fair

children, dont run. its dangerous and you bring out my
killer instincts. let me swat you!

men, dont do that stupid warbly whistling all round
the shop.and if you do dont stand with your hand on
your hip and do andrew loyd webber. its not ladylike.

ladies, dont use this time to chat to people you
havent seen for a while. you're fulfilling our gossip
stereotype and setting feminism back metres. or
something. and dont park your trolley sideways if you
must stop. or i'll barge you.

dont be bastards, when im carrying 24 Kgs of kitty
litter let me go first. im only small.

when i drop jars of curry on the floor and they smash
and make mess, dont stare and say things like "oo look
she's made a mess". it makes me blush. and want to
swear at you.

             every little helps

i hate it when posts turn into stand-up routines. and
im not speaking personally cos i dont post, you know?

 humour me. i cant do those muso conversations.

and i just know i'll regret it in the morning.



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