Sinister: Ummm...the most stupid of posts...or how your email program can make a complete fool out of you.

[Joan of Dark]

Well.......ehhhhmmmmm........*cough*

Hi again....I'm so sorry to bother you all with this but my email
account seems to be going through some very serious self-inflicted
psychological traumas.This morning I suddenly realised that all my inbox
was deleted (maybe my brother being mad at me has something to do with
that as well....)Still, the fact remains that I've lost everything in
it, along with the posts of the people that had responded to my previous
post's ("waiting for the leaves to fall") requests.Thankfully I had read
them all last night but had left some of them unanswered, so that I
would have something nice to do when I would wake up in the morning
.Having to answer my mail in the morning while having  breakfast at my
desk is one of my favourite moments of the day.

So, the ones that had written to me and still haven't received a reply,
could you-PLEASE-email me again???I mean, -please-....
I know all this must sound really silly  but I there's no other way I
can contact you if you don't drop me a line again....

other things that happened today....

I saw my best friend, whom I hadn't seen for almost three
months....Almost didn't recognise her, brought her "fyhcywlap" for her
birthday ( it was on the 8th of August but never mind...) We turned the
lights out and sat on the floor  near the window, the only light in the
room was the light from the lampost outside.We talked and talked for
hours; remembered things that would have better been forgotten, some
very unfortunate moments of the past, tried to bridge the gap.Things had
been quite rocky this year for both of us and our relationship went
through a lot.We had almost stopped speaking to each other.Still, she's
my best of friends.She knows almost everything about me, she doesn't
agree with some aspects of my personality, but I know she cares and
worries although she doesn't show it.I can forgive her about almost
everyhting I guess...I can't do otherwise.It hurts so much inside not
being able to be with someone you care so much about, knowing that
things have got between you.Please never let selfishness stand in your
way.I've seen what it's like and believe me it's not worth the pain it
causes to both sides.If you know that something is important for you
just, don't let it slip away just because of some passing whim.... Say
"I'm sorry" from your heart and things might get unexpectedly
better..... (I'm trying to exorcise my own feelings, thoughts and deeds
here I guess...I may  not be making much sense, in this case I'm sorry,
but anyone who might had been through a similar situation can perhaps
see behind my words...)

We went out afterwards..-or was it before??-...I can't
remember.....ahh....it's no good....my mind's getting numb.......We
would just go for a walk down the city centre or something......She wore
her smart little dress with the mauve flowers pattern and heeled shoes
and held her little black handbag....while I was wearing my flared jeans
and worn out sneakers, my hair was a mess and my cheeks had little
downward streams from the tears I'd cried....so there we are: it was
-after-the talk we've had....I had my army rucksack with the big "belle
and sebastian" on, and the little Snoopy pin.She's has long blond hair
and reminds me of Sarah.She's sweet and doesn't feel awkward to dress
well . I have short black hair and remind me of...myself .I'm bitter and
can't  dress well even when I have to.But when I sat on the pavement
while we were waiting for the bus she came and sat next to me on the
sad,cold cement.With her smart little dress with the mauve flowers
pattern , her high-heeled shoes, her cool nail varnish and eyeshadow and
all....She's my friend.I can't let her go.......

The bus turned 'round the corner......


Take care, not only of yourself........

Love,

Joanna


..................."Pain's playing yoyo in my body as we
speak.".................................

dEUS-Instant street





+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
    +---+  Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list  +---+
    To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
    send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
    majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students"  +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list"  +-+
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper        +-+
 +-+   "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000   +-+
 +-+       "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named       +-+
 +-+           Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000           +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+