Sinister: Why are all my friends pyros?

[JENOWL22 at xxx.com]

Hewwo,

Drunken phone calls are good. Well, not when I'm making them, because that's 
usually me being sick down the phone. But when other people phone you up and 
they're baned it's good, because you can laugh at them. I had two tonight. 
But I spoke to 5 drunk people, so does that count as five?

My friend Jaz has a butler. His name was Igor and he was my first drunken 
phone call tonight. He told me about his thing for getting down and dirty 
round the back end with corpses. He reckons his girlfriend would be uspet if 
he told her that he was a necrophiliac, and that he hopes she was cheating on 
him because then he wouldnt have to satisfy her.

 I hope he doesn't come near me when he come to live in east kilbride, 
because the Blonde thinks I look like a corpse. She's got a point, my skin is 
a funny shade of gray at the moment, and I have shadows. I should really 
sleep or something. He was also telling me about the time he met a 
peodophile, and how the guy was lactose intolerant, so he tried to trick him 
into eating cheese. 

Sometimes, I think he's telling the truth, but Jaz told me when he went to 
the toilet that he'd been drinking magic mushroom tea, and that just before 
he phoned he'd thought that the toilet tried to bite him, and that he was 
doing a poo out of his stomach. When he came back he was screaming that 
martin was a dragon and he fancied anne robinson. 

He also told me to burn plastic and inhale it, so I did because I had a pen 
and a candle and he reckoned it would make me fly, but it didn't make me fly 
at all, it just made me cough. Then Jaz started on about injecting people 
with cancer, and how the Brownie guides would do anything for a 10p mix, so I 
went away.

My second drunken phone call was from a sinister type peson, Mr Hatcher who 
told me what rimming meant, but he wasn't all that drunk. He said Mark said i 
was psychotic, and i frowned.

I went to a goth club, which wasn't a goth club at all, just a place with 
placebo fans. But a boy in a cradle of filth top kept looking at my chest, 
which got annoying. He kept saying would I cast a spell to kill his friend 
and make him get hit by a bus, but I said no, and he said I looked like a 
girl on the cover of a cradle of filth CD, so I gave him the frowning of his 
life. That showed him.

I sat my music exam for singing, but I messed it up. I knew that I shouldn't 
have taken singing when I can't sing. And I shouldn't have made a run for it 
after my first piece either. 

My maths teacher gave me into a row for being off school for a week. I had to 
get an operation thingy, but I didn't tell him that. I just went red and the 
hard kids laughed. I should have made him feel really guilty, but I couldn't 
be bothered.

People keep trying to rip my union jack badge off my jacket. It's not even 
funny. Just because I'm not a celtic fan. I support Hamilton Accies, if you 
must know. I don't really.

The funniest thing happened to me. Well, actually it wasn't funny at all, it 
as quite crap. When I came back to school all the big fat hard kids (even the 
tiny ones) all lined up for me coming out of class to spit on me and throw 
stones and pencils at me. You have to give them credit for their 
organisational skills, but it still wasn't very nice, especially since I was 
having trouble walking anyway. I think I get stoned in school more than the 
neds.

I'm going a bit mad, because I've just eaten for the first time and it's 
midnight, and I'm getting a sugar rush and it's fun.

I've decided to kidknap chris geddes and make him play the keyboard for me. 
He is such a lovely little pixie and I'm going to kiss his forehead next time 
I see him. I liked TWATTYBUS, it's not bad at all. I was listening to it with 
all the lights off, and I was thinking about Ribena and how much I wanted 
some. 

My friends all signed me up for porn. It wasn't fair, because when the Blonde 
and a quite baned me signed up all our friends we made sure it was just 
normal porn. But they went and signed me up for bestiallity porn, and it's a 
radge. And they've got the password, and I don't know how to stop recieving 
regular updates about cherry the horse and her 19 year old lover.

It's half past 12 now. That's crazy. It takes me so long to do stuff. Prolly 
cause I keep having text message fights with people. Only not real ones 
because that would be bad.

I think Lord Anthony should be released. And that Lord Anthony and the girl 
in Expectations should get together, and then Struan could write a song about 
them and how they nuked all the hard kids.

I'm going to go before I embarrass myself further.

Hugs,
Jen

Ps. Don't Baxendale songs make you want to blink. I always blink too much 
when I listen to baxendale.

Pps. I got new white tights.



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