Sinister: Vexed and Texted.

[idleberry]

hey hey, sinister type people!

It has been a while, I think, since my last post.
Since then, what has happened?

I've been making lots of growly noises, about the
world, and gernerally sounding like an old man.
Possibly like Father Jack.

No offence to any American Sinisterians, but you have
picked the crappiest most moronic president ever. And
I disagree with 99% of everything he says.
Particularly on environmental issues, abortion, and
his ideas about his countries economy, and defence.

So heres my plan of action.

A) We boycott the USA. Any sinisterians who live out
there and don't like him and want to be on this side,
feel free.
We build a great big fence around America, and refuse
to let them export their Nikes, Big Macs and Pepsis.
It won't be a bad thing, really, we'll all just see an
international improvement on health, and heart disease
will fall.
Thats what they do with anyone they don't like. Well I
don't like George W(anks in a) Bush. Until he agrees
with everything I say and does whatever I tell him to.
Trust me, my plans are good, clean, environmentally
healthy and fun. 
The first thing I would ask him to do is resign.
A resignation speech from GWB might be the most
sensible words to ever come out in a coherent sentence
from him.

B)  I haven't got a plan B yet, but that's okay, cos I
think plan A will work. 

Other things vexing my vex at the moment.....

1. temporary work Recruitment agency. In particular,
mine, who have been messing around NOT PAYING ME. this
is not good. They spent easter messing me about,
therefore not getting me work, which is definately not
good. Cos I had plans for the money, and now its just
going to be tighter to acomplish my plans. Maybe its
gods way of saying "No, Idles, you can't take over the
world just yet." My plans, by the way, don't actually
involve taking over the world as a whole, but over a
club in Norwich for an evening. I am not going to tell
you yet how or what, cos sodes law dictates that if I
do, it will all go belly floppingly bad and I might as
well start auditions for the next "Popstars".

2. The lack of decent music everywhere. With obvious
exceptions, of course ;) . Why has the majority of
majorities gone all MOR on us? Why don't they just all
go home and listen to Phil Collins instead of forming
bands and call themselves Toploader? Why are they
crap? why don't they attempt to break barriers and do
something original, instead of sufficing with the
barmy nothingness that they insist on pouring into the
brains of poor and deluded youngesters, who at this
impressionable time in life, don't know any better
about decent music? Do they really want to scar these
little people and leave us in the wilderness, three
years down the line with shell suits becoming retro
classic? Do you remember that Sleeper song
"Inbetweener" (of course you do, you were all
shamelessly bopping away to it five years ago down the
local indie club, despite the fact that you are now
too cool to confess such crimes of indecent music
taste.) 
Well, all the toploader kids, are all going to become
the characters out of that song. They are! give them
five to ten years. Thats whats going to happen. And
what will happen when that happens? you're going to
get Sleeper tribute bands singing about ageing
Toploader fans. 
 Mark my words.
Its your toaster.
And the Beatles were rubbish, otherwise if they were
any good, how come its been so easy for people to rip
off their songs with such ease? 
3. The train I was on yesterday, it was too full, and
a German man kept touching my leg, and then smiling
appologetically. 
It might have been funnier I guess if it wasn't my leg
he kept gropping.
There wasn't any harm meant, really, he was just
grasping around for his bag, which was next to my
legs, and accidentally ended up touching my leg. 
He looked like your dad by the way.
And he listened to Oympic Anthems, obviously covered
by awful 80's big stadium rock bands.

More amusement has come by way of three of my pals.
For reasons I won't go into, 
lets call them 
Miss S, Mr BD and Mr J. 

Miss S and I were sitting in the 13th Note, on
Saturday, Miss S complaining that she felt she didn't
look freaky enough to fit in. I said that alone made
her a freak, the fact that she wasn't a freak,
therefore she fitted in.
Miss S and I sat talking about everything. Then she
brought up Mr BD. I told her about Mr BD at Christmas,
cos he's single, so is she, and in many ways, they
have something in each other that the other looks for.

;)
Miss S gave me a look, that said "no blind dates" so I
shut up. But last Saturday, Miss S asked how my pal
was, meaning Mr BD. I told her what he was up to in
his life.

Miss S smiled, and asked for his mobile number, and
was it okay to text him? Yes, said I. 
So they started texting each other. Cheesy flirty text
messages were flying, and I sat reading, giggling,
blushing, buying more drinks, and texted another pal
while Miss S and Mr BD were being anti social.

Miss S sat giggling. It was quite enjoyable to watch.
Mr BD stopped texting, so I asked him why, cos he was
letting the side down. 
And whatever else Miss S told me to say.

So Miss S asked if I had anymore "fun friends". She
read a few texts exchanged between Mr J and I about
double standards.
And she asked for his number.
She started texting him.

Sunday. I got text messages from Mr BD, and Mr J,
about Miss S being lovely, and how shes been texting
them, and asking Mr J to leave a message on her
answerphone to hear what he sounds like.

Miss S called me, despite her raging hangover, in a
giggly mood.

Mr BD asked me what Miss S is like.
Mr J didn't ask a lot, but tells me what's been going
on between the text messages he's exchanged with Miss
S.
Miss S texted me frantically, asking whether Mr J or
Mr BD is fit, and yeah, I better be saying shes foxy,
cos she is, apparently, (her words) and yes, she will
kill me if I say otherwise.

I wasn't going to do that, now was I?

Miss S and Mr J texted each other all day.
Miss S and Mr BD texted each other all day.

Last night I spoke to Mr J and Mr BD.
Mr BD spent two hours on the phone to Miss S last
night.
And I won't tell you what Mr J said to me, cos its far
too telling and revealing, and knocked me sideways for
six.

Mr BD and Mr J keep asking what Miss S looks like. I
reply:

Tall, leggy blonde, blue eyed, and curvy in all the
right places. Good legs.

Mr J replied: "Hubba Hubba!" (followed by giggles.)
Mr BD replied something along the lines of "Sultry
Glasgow Vixen!" followed by giggles.

I told them to keep me up to date on whatever happens,
but to leave out the gory details.
Not to blame me if it goes wrong, and I want no bitchy
text messages from anyone about my pals.
But I want credit if it goes right.

BTW: Mr J knows Miss S is also texting Mr BD. 
Don't think Mr BD knows about Miss S texting Mr J. 

I'm keeping well out.

Anyway, theres my nuggets for the day. Play nice with
them, and don't squeeze.
;)

love,
Idles















 







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