Sinister: B+S play Carnegie Hall!!

[Ian Nicolson]

Wow! Carnegie Hall!! Big time! Flipping heck, they're far bigger across the 
water than I ever realised! The water being the Firth of Forth, of course, 
but I'm sure Carnegie Hall, Dunfermline compares pretty well to Carnegie 
Hall, New York. I mean, all the legends have played there - the Krankies, 
Glen Michael, perhaps even Sydney Divine. And it's pretty near a bus station 
as well, for added Belle and Sebastian cliche factor, although most of the 
buses that go there are Stagecoach buses, and we don't like them, do we? Oh 
no. But if you ever do go to Dunfermline bus station, for whatever reason, 
don't go into the shopping centre next to it - it's full of neds and the 
sausage rolls in the cafe are extra greasy and will have you going to the 
toilet for days.

Some people have posted reports about the Stuart David/Peacock Johnston 
readings. Everyone's favourite Denny denizen Sweetie was going to write 
about the Glasgow one, but she hasn't, so I thought I might instead. It'll 
never be as good, but y'know, we'll try our best...
Actually, I'm not entirely sure what to write, as I spent most of it unable 
to concentrate due to needing a pee (my suggestion of staying in the pub 
had, unfortunately, been rejected) and being unable to go as I was sitting 
in the front row, having arrived too late to grab the seats up the back and 
pretend to be hard. But from what I could tell it was pretty much the 
standard nonsense that had happened elsewhere: swearing, mumbling, a bit 
reading, a bit music, and glue sniffing. Although it did differ in that Evil 
Bob had moved on from the Pritt Stick reported in Oxford to Spray Mount, 
which took me back to the good ol' days of working in the production 
department of an advertising agency, when we used Spray Mount all day and 
used to buzz around like giddy little bunnies, before going home with 
terrible sore heads. Ignore what people tell you about all the cocaine 
advertising people take - they don't need it when they've got Spray Mount!

Anyway, like little Ronnie Corbet in his Pringle sweater and big chair, I 
digress. What disturbed me most was that some people have said they got free 
booze at these readings. Why not in Glasgow?! A city perhaps most famous for 
mad, mad drinking! I am shocked. There also seemed to be more music 
elsewhere, we only got the enhanced version of Rhinestone Cowboy. I was also 
shocked by the timidness of the audience - I thought Glasgow audiences were 
notoriously rawkous. Obviously not audiences full of Stuart David fans, so 
there weren't many questions. A chap in the row behind me, who I'm told bore 
more than a passing resemblance to occasional list memeber Jason Andreas, 
did ask the most important one, though - does Stuart David smell of wee? To 
which Mr. Peacock replied "Are you still at fucking primary school, son?", 
although Evil Bob did say that he smelled "pretty bad". It wasn't specified 
whether this was of wee or not, however. Then some idiot in the front row, 
who may or may not look just a tiny wee bit like Nick Cave (although he 
can't really see it himself) asked whether Peacock thought that he could 
take Frank Begbie, only to be informed that Frank Begbie was, in fact, a 
fictional character.

And that was about it, really. There was a bit of confusion at the end when 
some people getting their books signed didn't seem to have realised that it 
was a joke and told Peacock to leave Stuart David alone, as he was a genius, 
or something. I didn't buy a book, cause I'm Scottish and therefore a miser 
(and I'd given my money to people to buy books for themselves and absent 
members of the frighteningly named Sinister List organisation).

Peter Miller asked about Dunoon. I was nearly killed by an American nuclear 
submarine while on a boat from Dunoon to Rothesay. That's all I remember 
about it.

SO yeh, that's it...erm...see you all at Dunfermline bus station.

Ian N.
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