Sinister: The Sandwitch

[Peter Carter]

That is nearly the name Hefner used when I told them to beat their record
company with sticks for not letting them release The Sad Witch. They said...

"> Re Sandwich as a single...unlikely  even if we were to
>  beat Too Pure and ourselves to a juicy pulp...sorry."

I thought this was wonderful. Also brings a new meaning to the song...
"Breathing new life, into the sandwich".

I also thought the nearly B&S dream I had a few days ago was wonderful too.
I say nearly because it was actually about Nick Cave. I dreamt I was
watching a round-up of the top selling single of each year, and guess who
was on. Yes, out lovely Nick Cave was apparently the top-seller in 1991 with
'In the Ghetto', which he sang on the program. I was a little confused,
since I don't think that single was released in 1991, though I could be
wrong.

There has been much talk of B&S t-shirts recently, and I'm sorry to say I
don't own one. I have all the new pin badges... but no t-shirt. I don't
really like the new ones. I do have a Candle Records (the lucksmiths label)
t-shirt, and a Looper one though, as well as a lucksmiths badge, which would
probably make me instantly recognisable as sinister anyway.

To the person who mentioned Griffin and Sabine... wonderful isn't it. I got
given it as a present by a fellow sinisterine (arstydeco again :)) and I
love it to bits. Every sinisterine should get it, it's even more twee than
B&S.

And finally, the story you've all been waiting for... Paul Bearslice and the
Wolf. And if anyone wants more Judy they can e-mail me for it.

******************stupidly twee story*******************

Paul Bear-slice and the Wolf


Paul Bear-slice was bored. It seemed like forever and a quarter hour he'd
been squashing gently through the woods, and that's a long time by anyone's
standards. Paul Bear-slice's glasses were rubbing the bridge of his nose and
his blue striped, woolly jumper was beginning to itch. His mother had
forgotten the money she normally gave him to buy sweets, so his pockets were
empty, and his mood was flattened. If you'd ever seen a more unhappy child,
it would have been in a bad Hollywood film, probably with Julia Roberts
playing a hopelessly over-drawn, undiscovered, film-star-nurse.

Paul Bear-slice kicked a large grey rock. The rock turned to him and
growled. The rock was a wolf.

"What are you doing kicking me like that?" said the wolf.

"I thought you were a stone", replied Paul Bear-slice, indignant, though
more than a little frightened.

"I'm not a stone."

"I'm not Jon Bon Jovi, but people kick me."

As he spoke, the wolf's expression changed and her tone became friendlier.

"Why do they kick you?"

"They say I'm fat." he paused for a second, considering his answer, then
added, "I'm not fat, my mum says I'm playfully chubby"

"Do you say that when they kick you?"

"Yeah"

"And they kick you more?"

"How did you know?"

The wolf ignored his question and continued, "Do you think maybe it's better
if you don't say that?"

"I guess"

The wolf looked Paul Bear-slice up and down and said, "You seem like a good
natured enough lad, so I won't eat you."

"Thank you Mrs"

"It's Miss, Miss Wolf"

"Thank you Miss Wolf"

"There is no need to thank me"

Paul Bear-slice started to leave, but Miss. Wolf stopped him.

"You know, between the kicking and the gabbering, you never told me your
name?"

"My name is Paul Bear-slice"

"Well Paul Bear-slice, you really should learn to live without your mother's
help"

"I don't know how"

"I'll show you"

And with that the wolf kissed Paul Bear-slice on the lips. He was shocked at
first, but soon discovered that the sensation was pleasing, if a little
hairy. It took a little while before Paul Bear-slice got used to having a
wolfish girlfriend, and not until after the wedding that his family began to
understand, but Paul Bearslice was happy. Paul Bear-slice and Andrea Wolf
lived out the rest of their days blissfully, in Mrs. Wolf's log cabin.

The End.

********* end of stupidly twee story **********

love you all (some less than the people I love more)

Peter

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