Sinister: under heavy manners

[Steven Kado]

so i came home one day to find a mouse had gone mt.etna in my kitchen.
which was more like making mincemeat than a mountain of a molehill since the
poor bastard decided to play in my air-cleaner and ended up coming out of
the top vent of said contraption in a volcano-like spew.

he bent one of the fan blades inside too and i had to scrape him off the
walls and floor etc.
made me kind of glad that i have to move in early september.

yet seeing the potential places to move into is also kind of
horrifying....the rental market in this city is horrid.

anyway...
i can almost hear robyn fadden from here, going 'hear me! i gloat! hear me
gloat! terah teree!" about her impending vancouver show at the prestigeous
croatian cultural center!  which is on commercial avenue, which is where her
trent lives i hear...
she'll probably just stroll on over to the show after having some kind of
home made pasta extravaganza at his place and then see belle and sebastian
with perfect hair like she was just stepping out for some milk or something.
fug.

 "hey, i'm just zipping down the street to see belle and sebastian play at
the croatian's."
"ok, i'll come with you, remind me to get some more yoghurt on the way
back."


LENIN IS MY UNICORN, YOU ARE MY PEGASUS

yeah, so i'm not screaming with tears like i'm tim kinsella or anything
about the lack of belle and sebastian touring toronto.  i mean, i always
feel uncomfortable about being reminded that toronto isn't the center of the
entire universe and that all bands must play here because we matter more
than vancouver, and have better clothes over-all and fewer hippies (who
really bring the clothes average down) and none of those fucking mountains
blocking your uninterrupted view of the smog or buffalo like we do.
actually, i think the mountains also figure in to their egregious hippie
problem too....hmmm....anyway, they (meaning neil) apologised to us for
finking out twice and they'll come eventually or maybe they'll break up and
never play here ever.  for the record thousands of great bands haven't come
to toronto ever or haven't come in the longest time or broke up before they
got here.  i don't think the pastels ever made it to toronto.  in their
entire breif career i don't think that young marble giants ever played
toronto.  all kinds of awesome US bands don't play here, the makeup played
here once (twice?) and then avoided us for 3 years n' then broke up,
poundsign haven't ever come; the clientele played toronto but were
horrid...personally i'm more upset about new order not playing toronto than
belle and sebastian.  new order! why have you deserted me?! i think i'll
grow a beard that i won't shave until i get to see new order.

no, beards are bad.


as surely as marijuana leads to heroin, beards lead to either increasing
unwonted eccentricity or hemp clothing and arhythmic djembe playing.

personally, i think belle and sebastian are too FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN to
play toronto.  toronto is the city that they DARE NOT play.  they're afraid
that some band from missassaugua or dundas will upstage them, they're afraid
of the locust like swarms of APHIDS that throng the streets and cram the
airconditioners.  yeah...i'm totally offended that neil didn't come out with
the truth...they're just too damn scared to face toronto. grrrr.

yeah, i dunno what the entire kerfuffle from julie, deb and all was about
with the belle and sebastian not coming to our big important east coast
cities...red geisha was like 'indie toronto will implode without an
important visit from the twee royal family!' and i was all like 'holy
alarmism!' and then i thought about it and realised that really indie rock
has been dead in north america ever since jad fair learned how to play
guitar and that the rest of its all been some kind of vanity hair extention
shoulder-pad (#2) affair really -who needs modest mouse really?  i'm
confusing apples and oranges aren't i? no?  ok, well toronto sucks indie
wise anyway...its only saving grace is that its the central focus of a
series of very creative suburbs that provide it every so often with fresh
meat which the "scene" then grinds up and digests into a kind of inky
excrement.  bands actually from toronto are few and far between and usually
not very good.  where were the shadowy men on a shadowy planet from?  were
they actually from toronto? maybe they were originally from guelph...

personally missassaugua is my favourite suburb.  and i'm not even playing
partisan since i'm from vaughn which, as debs can confirm, does indeed kind
of suck.

but enough toronto.  i mean, whats  the good of seeing belle and sebastian
here anyway...they don't have anywhere near the kind of connection they've
got to the UK/Scotland people, they don't play soccer with us, they don't
take their shirts off in our presence, they don't recognise any of us at
all...i'm guessing it'd just be a bunch of travel weary scotts stumbling
around on stage talking in in-jokes developed from the uneasy insularity of
touring strange places and being all inward.  i have little faith in the
band outside of their native habitat.  ...not that that opinion is founded
on my having experienced the mighty belle and sebastian live juggernaut
myself, just based on poor research and a lack of faith...

hey, and now that i've done biting the hand that feeds me and c. and pissed
off everyone in toronto and called everyone a chump: arantxa sanz is
visiting and we (in toronto) should do something for her no?  well if you
want to email me or something and we'll set something up.  ok?

yeah and then some people have been saying 'finland' and i loved finland and
i want to go back and do things there and drink heavily and such.  my friend
osmo explained the whole donald duck thing by saying that no body likes a
guy who's always magnanimous and wins all the time etc.  so thats why donald
duck appeals more than other disney characters, he has more human failings.
the finnish!

also, people have been discussing my personal hero david byrne on the list
alot.  i used to try and be as much like early david bryne as i could.  it
made conversation difficult and my suit kept getting bigger.  it was kind of
a pain.  i can see a bit how stu looks a bit like db.  but not alot.  i have
a picture of him staring at me from the side of my computer monitor right
now... he's looking at me as if to say "you should be writing an essay,
steven.  working hard benefits not only yourself but also those around you."
and with his tree suit on he is so persuasive and reasonable.  oh david! i'm
sorry i dissappoint you so often, (kiss kiss).

phew...

and that ties in nicely to giggling at conceptual art, which is kind of what
its made for isn't it?  like with funny movies shown at 'art house' theaters
you're ability to laugh shows just how far ahead of the entire room of
turtleneck people you really are.  who ever it was should definitely keep
laughing at 'art'.  yeah>>>

and astrid mentioned kids in the hall! hooray!  i thought that kids in the
hall was completely unheard of in northern europe.  the finns i met had
certainly never seen it...i remember trying to drunkenly expalin gavin to
some puzzled looking blonde people.  "and then he says 'how much would my
head weigh if it were made of veal' and the guy painting the chair just
looks at him, right? "

yeah, and the hecubus skits are classic. and kids in the hall are actually
from toronto.  so there.  yeah.
toronto...yeah....(not vancouver)

and this is where robyn goes 'my indian drum!' and i pretend that the skit
never existed.

badum!
s t e v e n  (master of funk....AND EVIIILL!)




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