Sinister: Jen behaving badly

[JENOWL22 at xxx.com]

Hewwo,

I returned from Inbred Country (fife) today. As fun as it all was it's quite 
nice to be among people to whom 'dad' and 'uncle' don't mean the same thing. 

But I had to delete a lot of sinister mail (two weeks worth) cause it wasn't 
polite to sit and read them from someone else's computer. And I keep 
forgetting that on my own keyboard the '@' key and the ' " ' key are mixed 
around.

So do you want to hear all about my holiday? Cause that's the only 
interesting thing I've got to talk about.

A big part of my holiday story involves illegal things like underage 
drinking, smoking things and the computer misuse act. I got ruined quite a 
lot, and spewed my load in a trendy nightclub. But i never tried to smoke 
asprin like someone else did.

We went to see the Discovery in Dundee and it was swell. I beed Captain Gay 
and my host Jaz was Lt. Gay of the good HMS homosexual. And there's a lot of 
pictures of us arranging the manequins into rude positions and us with some 
lifesize model sheep and oh the fun we had with those. I don't know if it 
makes it better of worse that we got a 12 year old sprog to take the photos. 
Probably worse.

Oh and we went to Leven where Danskin lived and worked before he was jailed. 
And I bought Violet Creams, and a disposable camera and we got our pictures 
taken outside of Smith and Grant,  Danskin's old office, for a laugh, and 
then Cameron Makenzie who we recognised from Igor emailing us the Staff page 
of the Smith and Grant site over and again, he  came out and yelled at us and 
said "what the hell are you doing taking pictures of my office?" and it turns 
out he thought we from the press (with a disposable camera and jaz's 12 year 
old sister who is in fact madelin from gregory's girl)  so I did the talking 
and said "well we're tourists and this is a pretty village" even though it 
was in fact just a plain old town centre and there was no way anyone would 
want pictures of a lawyers. And we were all really dying to say "haha you 
employed a peadophile" but we never.

And we also passed Braemar House where Danskin lived and brought underage 
buoys back to  and Saughton Prison where he lives now but we drew the line at 
going to see him because Igor wasn't there and he would have been jealous 
(plus it's a bit sick).

I went to Edinburgh too and I got bored of wearing shoes so I was walking 
about Princes Street barefoot because I decided that shoes are for people who 
don't like their feet, and I don't like my feet but I want to appear 
confident. And I have a new purse which is all denim and has a rainbow on it.

Oh and I downloaded loads of B&S and Heavenly and the Smiths onto jaz's 
computer because she's a metaller and listens to fear factory. And she wasn't 
happy when she booted up and morrisey started whining at her.

And ANGELFIRE SHUT DOWN MINE AND JAZ'S SITE.  I was rather distraught. It's 
not the one on Bob the Wasp though., never fear. It was a different one. Our 
aim was to make it so offensive that we got in the papers but they shut us 
down first. It was quite bad though. You loaded up and a picture of Harold 
Shipman with a halo and 'GOD' written underneath came up. We got a record 
amount of hate e mail, which was to a special address we came up with which I 
won't tell you because no one will ever speak to me again if i say what it 
was. But it wasn't all bad, we just said we hated everything, like we said we 
hated gays but we also hated homophobes and stuff. It was a big contradiction.

I also went to a club and pretended to be 19 to get in and these guys bought 
me drinks and stuff and it saved me lots of money but they didn't seem too 
pleased when I said at the end of it that I had a devastatingly handsome 
boyfriend. Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier to them. Oops.

Ah well, I'm not stopping home for long luckily. I'm hopping some unreliable 
public transport to London where I'm meeting the aforementioned devastatingly 
handsome boyfriend which should be swell.

Grate even. 

Purple is a really grate colour. The best colour in the world in fact. I wish 
everything was purple.

I'm going to go now, so byebye.

Hugs,
Jen










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