Sinister: I bet you're making shelves right now, or a sturdy mantelpiece

[Robin Stout]

It sounds like I missed out on something...

>Martine McCutcheon, it was later agreed,
>was cherubically lovely.

Oh, she is! Her make-up lady spends a whole imperial hour polishing her 
cheeks before performances. Actually, I'm often poked at for being so 
common, but I *do* think she's lovely, like an angel who might work at the 
laundrette. She is, indeed, heavenly; I can imagine her appearing in a 
vision, in a celestial mist, as she opens the door of the tumble drier.

>The Carsmile had fulfilled a Lamacq
>role, singing Carter USM covers, while looking like a
>cross between the usual Mark E. Smith and the unusual
>Robert Redford.

...and all this time I was standing in the rain.

Dimitra's post ("I know this is far too long") was far too short. It sounds 
like a quite magical adventure.

Actually, this wasn't what I was supposed to be writing about at all. Those 
last few posts, though, were very good, and not too long. It is Sunday, 
after all.

In a further effort to produce *content*, and so, hopefully, *contentment*, 
I've been thinking about Great Unsolved Belle and Sebastian Mysteries. I was 
going to make a list but I could only think of two, so they'll have to be a 
pair.

1. Shane Meadows, probably Nottingham's greatest (only) film director, was 
said to be making a short (ten minute?) film called The Stars of Track and 
Field. Wasn't he? Does anyone know anything else about this? I guess he 
could have given up on the idea, but it's only a short film after all. By 
the time the titles have faded and before the credits arrive there's not 
much time for anyone to even tie their shoelaces, let alone find a track or 
some field and become a star. So I imagine it's been filmed. So what's 
happened to it?

2. The Belle and Sebastian Songbook. Where is it? It exists, I know, and 
almost a year ago I asked if there were trumpet parts so I could play them 
on my trombone and the answer was 'yes'. So they knew that much then. It 
must be very difficult to put together, it's true, but I reckon they're all 
made and sitting in a box somewhere. Probably in the box that's propping up 
Stuart's bed after the leg fell off. Come on Stuart! Buy a new leg!

3. Yes, well then I couldn't think of anymore and I was a bit bored by then 
anyway, and my thoughts had already been hijacked by the Amazing Toaster 
Bag. The Amazing Toaster Bag is something I saw on telly that is a sort of 
teflon pouch that sits in a toaster that you can cook *anything* in. 
Honestly, ANYTHING! On the telly I saw a man put an egg and some flour and 
some chopped apple into a Toaster Bag and toasted it for 5 minutes and it 
came out as a lovely, steaming apple pie. So ever since I've been thinking 
of the Toaster Bag - if you've seen it it's hard not to - but they don't 
exist anywhere. So that's Mystery Number Three -where is the Toaster Bag? 
It's not B+S related at all, I know, but it's a mystery anyway. I'd sleep 
more easily if I knew.


And on the subject of inventions, I have found myself a job. It's at the 
Patent Office in Wales so I will be living in or near Cardiff quite soon. 
Does anyone on this list live in Cardiff? It would be good to hear from you 
if you do, so I won't have to be a) bored or b) lonely when I get there. I 
might have to vanish from the list again for a while, while I do important 
things like buy a fridge and some new shoes. But I hope I can make a Clark 
Kent disappearance and reappear magically when I've sorted myself out.

God, I used to write such short emails, what's happening to me? Well, if 
you've read this far well done, thanks for not falling asleep. Put on the 
kettle.It'll be time for Songs of Praise soon.

Robin x

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