Sinister: Dont give up your dayjob...just be content with your lot...empty your head of those big ideas....

[Desmond Torpey]

good day...
hmmmm...i'm increasingly forgetting how to post these
days...everything comes out as a jumble..not that it
didnt before..i would say that it was the sun getting
to me but..well...perhaps its the abscence of stereo
thats addled my brain...i've been forced to listen to
a crackly old tape deck with hazardous wiring for the
last week or so..not having made myself any new tapes
for quite some time also means that i've been digging
out old recordings from third division britpop bands
of years past...some do still hold certain charms
though...again, perhaps the heat has addled my brain,
but the supernaturals seem to have burrowed their way
back into my head..i'm even tempted to go out and
re-purchase albums i sold ever such a long time ago to
fund some stupidness or other...where to draw the line
though? is Space perhaps a step too far?...hmmmm...
...so are there any more details emerging of this
second single/EP then?..i was under the impression
that there would be two releases, one at the start and
one at the end of the summer...the days are already
slipping past and of course i havent done a lot with
this summer...things just vanish before you've had a
chance to think about them or what you're doing...i
now find myself working full time in telesales...seven
hours a day of being told to 'sod off we dont want any
free books'...lord only knows how i ended up
here...now i have to try and find my way out...i never
realised quite how much fun full-time work
wasnt...i'll have more money than sense of course but
when it comes down to it...i'd rather have more time
than i knew what to do with that more cash than i knew
what to do with...hours and hours just pissed away
trying to sell things that people dont need or dont
want...i've been employed for precisely three days and
its already beggining to erode my brain and soul...i
was eighteen about two weeks ago and responsibility
has me running scared...its such a well worn cliche
but i sincerely do wish i was young forever...to get
back just a tiny bit of the innoncence and entirely
unblinkered view of the world i used to have ten years
ago...to be able to run around yelling my head off in
the streets with nobody calling the police...to roll
around in muddy puddles or just sit in the middle of
town and cry my eyes out...but no...its all about
appearances and what i should be doing..its all about
holding down my steady job selling memberships to
video clubs...i dont think i like being grown
up...does anyone?...oh lord this didnt mean to turn
out so depressing...i'm just rambling in a protracted
and tedious way...i'm sure this has all been said
before...even my quite nice exam results didnt seem to
cheer me up...things like that never have
really...they just seem to be...letters..i dont feel i
paticularly deserve them or even paticularly want
them...that sounds terribly selfish and stupid i know
but i've always had a kind of 'hmmmmm so what'
attitude to being educated...people always tend to
educate themselves through experience anyhow...it was
just an excuse to get a bit tipsy i
suppose...hmmmmm..i've gone on too long and been
completely miserable...another succesful post :)
ta ta...

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