Sinister: hey you sexy little muffin you

[Sweetie Something]

sinister

"I feel like more than flesh and blood and guarantees were made to me that I
can be tomorrow whatever I choose to be"
Regency Buck- More Than A Man

last night something happened
or rather
in the early hours of this morning

its 8.30am
this *is* the early hours to me
but im talking about the early hours before you sleep
not the ones you wake up to

but i am feeling so incredibly happy
i went to bed at 4am
and read some more of my book
or rather, almost all of the rest of my book
its good, Nick Hornby- About A Boy.
once ive done this post, ill probably finish it
(must add-i enjoyed high fidelity-book and film)
before i read about a boy
i read Nick Revell- House Of The Spirit Levels

thats a good thing, i hope i do finish it
even though i always hate to see the back of a good book
(dont you ever get that? when you read a great book, but you dont want to
finish it for various reason-my reasons being-what if inever find a book
this good again? and what if the ending ruins the entire thing? although i
must admit, i dont think that the former is all the likely to happen....)
because that will give me another reason to do something
that something being walk down to denny
that may not seem like much
and i suppose it isnt
but for the last few months ive barely had the motivation to get up in the
morning-usually rising and greeting the day betwen 12and2pm

but suddenly
i have this new found motivation
and it feels good

i have actually done something
and actually made a move on something i want to do
i have given myself a reason to actually bother
i suppose thats what happens when you are bored pretty much all the time for
weeks on end
eventually, something will happen and you'll do something
then you will realise that you did something. it may not be much, but its
more than you have done in long enough
and its *that* that gets you going, especially when you realise that its a
bit late to turn back without looking a bit foolish

as i said, i went to bed at 4am
and i read more of my book, but only 2 chapters or so
then i tried to sleep, but after half an hour of trying i gave up
i got up, made myself a cup of tea, then went back and read more of my book

after reading say another chapter
i heard something
it was someone talking
whether it was someone in the house talking or the tv-i didnt know
either way it meant someone else was up-they had to be-if a tv had been left
on i would have heard it earlier
i got up and went into the hall, it was coming from downstairs.
it was the tv. strange i thought-i didnt hear anyone get up
was the book really so good that it managed to captivate all of my attention
and stop me hear them walk past?
i went to investigate
no one was up, and the tv wasnt on-but the amp was. so thats why i could
hear the tv.
i still dont know why the amp was on-it hadnt been on when i went to bed-i
would have heard it.
strange.
still cant work it out.

went back to bed.

before reading more
i looked out and it was dark
it was also wet and quite miserable
next time i looked out-it was light
and it was dry
but the sky wasnt all grey
in fact, it was quite alot not grey
maybe it is going to be a nice day
i felt like going for a walk-but im not feeling *that* motivated ;)
i saw the postman, thats what made me want to go out

then not half an hour later, i looked out again
and it was raining and grey
another miserable rainy day
i looked up at the sky and noticed that my little blue spaces hadnt
completely disappeared
i thought again about the postman and how much i was glad i hadnt went for a
walk
this depressed me a bit and in the space of a few seconds, my refound
enthusiasm faded
and i remembered why i stayed in bed till mid afternoon each day
and feeling much more down, i decided to read more of my book

i looked at the last page to see how many more pages i had to go, not all
that many
i almost accidentally looked at the last few lines while i was checking the
number if the last page
so  closed my eyes quickly and turned away and flicked back to the page i
was at
whilst i was reading i noticed out of the corner of my eye and through my
curtains that it at least *appeared* to be getting brighter outside
however, deciding that the weather had already depressed me enough for one
morning-resisted the urge to look out

after a few chapters i gave in and looked out
it *was* brighter
there was a lot more blue and white
and even though the grey clouds were headed this way
it made me happier-if just for a while
and *that* inspired me

the grey clouds cant stay there forever

i came downstairs and turned my computer on
leaving the curtains open
next thing i know
but could hardly believe
it even made me utter obscenities out loud to myself
sun
shining in and onto my screen
and although it made my screen a little harder to see, i left the curtains
open
its still sunny now-an hour later
the grey clouds are still headed this way
but at least for now the sun has even started drying the roads and the
pavements

it looks like the grey clouds will be here later
maybe even sooner
but hey
who knows
they might even change direction
it might still end up a sunny day

I've got to tell you that the future is undone
sweetie
xox

ps
psst
this is it:
http://msn.communities.co.uk/abetterplacetoselfdestruct
not much i know but its my something, its my baby :)
but she cant grow without knowledge
help her grow, tell her about new (UK) bands
and once she knows enough she will bloom from this pod into a nice little
e-zine
at least, thats the plan
i'm hoping she doesnt reach an awkward adolescent stage where she thinks she
is all mature and knows enough and but ends up falling flat on her face and
sounding stupid... ;)


i finished my book
and i smiled so much. it was a brilliant book.
(and i got another book
Iain Grant - Small Town Antichrist)
the day did get sunny
and i did get my walk down to denny :)


ICQ #42242252
MSN instant msngr: something_sinister at hotmail.com
Yahoo and AOLim id: IIIsecondcreep
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