Sinister: we're not terrific, but we're competent...

[Kirsten Kenyon]

  i have been having a hard time posting lately, especially since 
reading will's post and others that have made me think quite a 
bit...and i'll write something and reread it to discover that it is 
silly and just delete it.  i'm sure this will be silly, too.
  one thing that has been on my mind is the idea that everywhere i 
can think of that i would rather be than here, there are people who 
are wishing they were somewhere else.  i've thought about being in 
elementary school, when every day at recess i would wander off the 
schoolyard to a little wood across the road.  one day i was feeling 
quite brave and trudged through the wood a bit to discover that it 
opened into a vast field.  from then on, every recess was spent 
sitting on a stump at the edge of the field staring across to the 
horizon, feeling that if i could only make it all the way to the 
other side of that field, i would find myself someplace better.  a 
few times i even started walking, but then i would always hear the 
schoolbell and lose my nerve and turn back.  it's funny to think of, 
now that i've crossed borders and oceans...i even went back and 
crossed the field a couple of years ago.  it was wonderfully 
liberating until i ran into the interstate and had to turn back 
again.  
  for years i thought i was just bored, so i did quite a few unwise 
things in vain attempts to break the monotony...going to the home of 
a random man i met at the 7 eleven in the middle of the night and 
getting drunk talking about the bible, nudists and a communal 
rutabaga farm, for example.  or thumbing a ride from a retired 
deadhead in a camaro.  stupid things i'm embarassed i was naive 
enough to do, and which i would never do again.  but those are times 
when i was truly happy. the rest of the time i'm just staring at the 
wall wishing i were anywhere but here.  this is all making sense in 
my head but maybe not so much in writing, and if anyone is reading 
this they're probably scratching their dear heads right now, so i 
apologize. 
  let's see, what else....last night corin and i witnessed the 
kickoff of a weekend festival in muskego, where we saw scads of 
scantily-clad middle-aged women clutching a beer in one hand and a 
cigarette in the other, methodically shaking denim-clad asses to the 
stirring rhythms of lynyrd skynyrd.  wandering off from the beer tent 
for a moment, we found ourselves strolling along a midway lined by 
shifty-eyed carnies gorging themselves on fried cheese and enticing 
us to play silly games to win creepy stuffed animals.  one game 
required the player to hurl beanbag frogs at plastic ducks to win 
real live bunnies.  this, my friends, is why i need to get out of 
wisconsin.
  xoxo
kirsten
oh yeah...um, ken chu


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