Sinister: And now, the end is near, and 15-odd people have free presents...

[Nik Ovenden]

Dearest Sinister,
Well, after 1 year and 9 months under your spell, I
must feel compelled to leave for a 6-month hiatus.

In a way, it seems to be the norm, leaving the list
for a while then rejoining and viewing through the
nursery cot bars...
I really want to mail honey the magic word(s), though.
 Has anyone said them out loud?  I haven't, the threat
of nursery for life was enough to give me a chill!

Anyway, I'm off on holiday between 20th January and
14th June, which is why I can't stay on the list.  My
inbox is too fragile to stuff 1000 emails into as the
check-up time between Russia and China will be about 2
weeks.
I'd like now to give a heartfelt thanks to all the
listees who have agreed to meet me, and an even bigger
thanks to those who will put me up (put up with me!)
for an evening (or 4 in some cases!).
It gives you faith in people to know that there are
some willing to take a poor traveller off the streets.
 I hope to reward you with gifts, plus my charm and
presence (or is that presents?!).

On that note, the list below have been sent gifts
already (i.e. today).  In some cases (a-hem, Mr
Mikkelsen!), these gifts are about 8 months overdue
and STILL not complete!
Anyway, I would very much doubt they will arrive for
Xmas, but hopefully by the 20th January.  If you could
email me upon receipt, I would appreciate it.  I went
to a post office, which WASN'T my beloved local one,
and the guy at the counter was a rude and abrasive
fuckwit.  I'm worried he's just taken my money and put
the parcels in the bin.
Placation is required, could one and all please email
me just to confirm receipt!

Mr Stuart Arnot
Ms Hannah Brown 
Ms Rachael Chrisp
Mr David Clark
Ms Jeanette Eastwood
Mr Rachel Fruitloop plus company.
Ms Kate Hargrave
Ms Martha Hart
Ms Maja Kucharczyk
Ms Amy Longcore
Ms Jules Markham
Ms Helen McLean
Mr Lawrence Mikkelsen & Dr. Vanessa Selak
Mr Will Salt
Ms Ola Szkudlapska

Lisa, your is ready but awaiting an address!
The highlight of the forthcoming holiday is that I
don't have to burn CD's - I must have made 120 in 3
days! Argghhhhhh.
Oh, and sorry to write your name.  Now you're tainted
with being associated to me.  Ha ha ha.  Wow, it's
about 1% of the list, too!  in alphabetical order, as
you're all so special and I don't want anyone else
offended.  Should the other 99% want free stuff, well,
you didn't email me!  Send some and I may put
something together next july.


I have a further announcement.  I have selected my
favourite 3 emails from sinister.  I have 2 email
addresses (you will be contacted...) but the third is
NOT IN THE ARCHIVES!!!!!!!! Not that this is causing
aspersions on honey's archive virtue...!
So, if the owner of the message (added at the bottom
of my email) could step forward and email me, I'd like
to congratulate you and shower you with free stuff!

I know this is list abuse as there is no content. 
Please feel content that I am content.
A big well done to honey and all the surrogate list
mummies - I can say without a doubt that there is no
list quite like this.
The weird thing is the way it hits me.  I sort of go
"Ooh, I like corduroy"; "Ooh, I like New Order!",
realising that there are people out there who are more
than the ONE BAND the mailing list alleges to adhere
to.  It's unique in the way we all possess
similarities beyond liking B&S!
You're all wonderful people, and hopefully I can say
it for certain once I've met most of you for real!

Well, that's all I can think of for now.  From mid-Jan
on, my new email address will be
nikoisonholiday at yahoo.com - please feel free to
brighten up that inbox with stuff which'll give me a
smile in Sub-zero Russia, or Sub-Saharan India!

I'll see you all in the future,
Love Niko
xxx


THIS IS THE EMAIL.  WHOSE IS IT?! it's worth reading,
i laughed my ass off.

Arse.  I apologise profusely, but I have been under
some not inconsiderable strain of late. My mind has
been plagued with a recent event but my therapist is
an oaf with a Milwall FC pen and would not begin to
understand. So, like Mel C, I turn to you my dear
Sinisterettes, sure as I am of your discernment due to
your avowed musical preferences. Let me illuminate
you.  I am a man of impeccable breeding and
discernment. Sent down to improve and edify those less
refined than myself by the powers that be, I have
successfully infiltrated all sectors of society and
bought Titian to Toxteth, Mozart to Mile End, Goethe
to the Gorbals. Call me a missionary if you will, it's
a position I accept.   
Alas, however, although my faculties are great my
means are finite. Thus after a period of some
self-denial, I was able to afford a fine '76 Veuve
Cliquot I had been hampering after for some months. A
night of joy, one will surely agree, lay ahead. But
calamity lay along those darkened streets from the
merchant to the maisonette. The usual hurdling of the
homeless was easy enough, but how was I able to
anticipate interception by a blackguardly youth?
Stepping out the shadows with a Stanley knife he
sneered at me. "What you got in the bag, prick?" 
Now, I fear no-one and nothing, and rather than take
this as a threat, I decided to take it as an
opportunity. To drink alone is a tragedy, so why not
wean this infant off his 'Special Brew' (Pah! 'Tis the
milk from a dastardly whore!) and introduce him to the
finer things in life. My god, I could even play him
Electronic Renaissance!  I reached into the bag,
brandished the bottle. Wanting him to read the label,
I thrust the bottle into his face. Oops. I swear he
edged forwards but the glass shattered as swiftly as
the bridge of his nose. What had I done? I had to make
amends. I noticed the break (the bottle, obviously)
had been clean and most of the precious nectar was
still in the 60% of the receptacle I was holding by
its neck. We could still share a drink after all...I
adopted the tone one must with these common types - a
brusque street drawl with profane inflection. In my
role as educator, I felt a paternalistic tone of
address was necessary.  So, parrying and thrusting (I
cut a dapper figure with the foil) the bottle towards
him so he could sample the bouquet, I stated "Come on
sunshine, you fucking want some?" and the scamp
scampered. Half a bottle gone and a social rejection
in the same evening.
Really, some of the plebiscites have no manners.


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