Sinister: Stop Her On Sight (S.O.S.)

[Pauline L. Shivers]

Look now... it's a new century etc! 
Life cannot be that cruel, especially if you belong to
an old aristocratic european family; because we all
know that aristocracy is something almost strictly
european! You can't find it anywhere else! africa? no!
asia? yes OK, there are some really old families
there; I've once met a japanese prince; he was an
artist and you won't believe what he was doing! he was
photographing barbies and Kens after he did some
meddling on them! he'd make leather underwear or even
put plastic genitals on them and then put them in a
room he'd make, like a model you know, arranged them
in total s&m positions and would protograph them! then
he'd enlarge these photos in poster dimensions and
exhibit them! they were really shocking, I'm telling
you! 
back to the aristocracy thingy. 
America? No! No way! there's no such thing as an
american aristocrat! even though I've heard these
rumours about american commoners buying english
titles!
hah! or double 'heh' as someone we all love and
respect in this list would say! too bad she's not here
anymore to hundred-double 'heh'! I'm sure I'd go in
her black list of 'the ones who despise the land of
the free and the brave' and if I was lucky I'd go away
with an accussation of being a man who had a hard on
for her since I'd first read her sparkling fits of
intellectualism pseudo-snobbism feministic pestiforous
crap! Oh I do definitely have a hard-on for that
little vipee! a hard-on indeed! 
Americans are good in other novelties too! like they
are really good in voting! they are so good at that!
but of course! america is the cradle of democracy! but
anyway, what do I care? the self-appointed thingy
though is quite a trademark isn't it? I mean americans
tend to self-appoint themselves in various positions!
oh we have self-appointed planetmasters,
self-appointed peacemakers, self-appointed whatever!
and of course the list wouldn't escape the
"self-appointed" curse!
And don't get me wrong! I have nothing against
americans, not on a personal level! no! There are
people in here whose posts I love to read; and they
are americans! I mean, after all, America gave us a
Donna Karan and a Calvin Klein! OK, for the more
upper-middle-class fashion victims!
Why am I writting all this, you'll ask me! After all,
I'm the most apolitical being on earth! I don't give a
poo about politics or americans or anything as long as
my wallet's full with credit cards I can use to buy
all my favourite Gucci accesoires and Miu Miu and
Chalayan outfits! so now, after this 'so much unlike
me' intro, we're entering the most entertaining, most
spicy part of my story! 
You see, I was in Switzerland for christmas and new
year's! swinging around in balls and coctail parties!
That's where I met him! an american playboy! member of
the jet-set! not the european one! a jet-set-junta or
a jet-set-bubba, thing is, he was stalking me like
noone else before him! His father owned this
telecommunications company, I can't remember the name
now and he was living in Philadelphia! what the hell
was he doing in Switzerland? What have I done to
deserve such a destiny, I kept asking myself,
re-running my life just like on a VCR, forwarding some
scenes, re-playing some others, stopping with awe on
others... nothing to deserve John Francis Kendall!
He was one of these men who are so confident for
themselves that it ends up to be a blasphemy! his ways
were so pediculous, so rude! Needless to say he was
such a nummamorous bastard! we first made his
aquaintance whilst we were shopping at this very
exquisite lingerie shop in Davos, me and Violette...
Big aunt Myrtles and Theodor were having a cup of tea
at a nearby café... Violette and I were completely
amazed by this little miu miu set of a pink camisole
and matching pink knickers! I had just decided I'd let
Violette have the set as I had a similar one in
champagne colour, when this man burged in and said -
quite loudly - "excusez moi! parlez vous anglais?, in
the most horrid american accent! Oh, cover your ears
Flaubert, cover your eyes Balzac!! we turned and
nodded 'yes' then went back to our shopping! To cut a
long story short he introduced himself and said that
he knew us; he'd seen us at sir Whoorlthorp's party
just the other night! and he knew our aunt! As a
matter of fact he claimed that she'd sent him over to
tell us that we had been late for lunch! next thing
you know, he became such a leech it was unbelievable!
He would escort us everywhere with Aunt Myrtles'
blessings; you see, he was disgustingly rich! he would
be as loud as he could as irritating as humanly
possible! He would embarass us in every occasion! he
was a Harvard graduate but there was nothing
intelligent or refine about his ways!
So, one night we were off to this ball! Violette and I
were really thrilled about it! our best friend,
Laeticia, was coming with us! Laeticia was the most
angelic creature! she looks like Kate Moss, just her
face does, thank God! cause you know, Kate Moss has a
great face but her body... well, I suppose when she's
having sex with men she must be always wondering
whether she is the object of their lust or their
little brother, if you know what I mean! even Theodor
likes her body! that must mean something! But Lati is
not like that! she has this long hair in a strange red
colour and beautiful blue green eyes and has this body
that could cause even an archibishop to sin! I was
hoping that maybe John would fall for her! But no! He
wanted me!
So, Lati, Violette and I headed to the ball! we told
John we were going by Lati's car and he insisted to
come with us! we said no and he went with aunt
Myrtles!
Lati and I were wearing these long silk dresses that
leave your whole back naked till down to the beggining
of your bum... Violette was wearing a pink satin dress
with a see-through shawl! Lati and I had no underwear
on, of course... and John, he was always trying to
touch my bare back!I hated his hands! he had fat
fingers, and loads of hairs! disgusting! He wanted to
dance with me and I said I wouldn't dance as I was
really tired! but he wouldn't leave me alone and aunt
Myrtles was insisting that I should dance with him! 
It was so terrible dancing with this American werewolf
in Switzerland! With his lupiform hands on my back.
Disgusting! I was living up to my name, and
shivering constantly. But he seemed to believe that
these shivers were from pleasure as he decided to
lower his hands towards my bum. Now, I can't blame
him. Men find my bum irresistible, it's perfectly
shaped - someone once told me that it was just like a
peach - and this dress clung to it so tightly, very
revealing indeed! But please! It's the bum of an
aristocrat, and as such it is exclusive property! 
I could see Lati and Violette giggling and I felt like
dying, having his sweaty, greedy hands on my body! 
When the music stopped, I ran towards them really
pissed off! then Lati said that we should send John -
who was heading towards us with that horrible smile
all over his face - to bring us some drinks and whilst
he was away we'd ran away in Lati's car! Violette was
objecting at first worrying about Aunt's wrath, but we
talked her into it! So, we sent John for drinks and we
escaped! We were driving and driving laughing and
singing out loud "say my name say my name" when we saw
this club! It's called "electraleen" and we saw a long
queue of people waiting outside! we parked the car and
went there! and of course we were let in at no time!
they were playing Baxendale's "music for girls" as we
walked in and with no further delay we headed to the
dance floor! what a night!! we met some really
interesting people that night! it seemed that the sons
and daughters of all the rich and respected families
who were spending their holidays in switzerland were
there! And Violette was completely swooped by this
guy, Gilbert was his name! I didn't like him, I
thought there was some sort of pravity about him, and
I was right.. but I'll tell you all about him in my
next post as I have to leave now... we're
participating in a tennis tournament at our club here
in Prague and I have 
to make haste!
talk to you soon!

   
             Pauline L. Shivers


that makes sinister all quivers
she's that aristocratic slag
who lives and reigns in Prague



PS: congratulations to Genevieve for yet another
sparkling post indeed!








__________________________________________________
Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35 
a year!  http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
    +---+  Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list  +---+
    To send to the list mail sinister at missprint.org. To unsubscribe
    send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to
    majordomo at missprint.org.  WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister
 +-+  "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students"  +-+
 +-+  "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list"  +-+
 +-+       "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper        +-+
 +-+   "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000   +-+
 +-+       "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named       +-+
 +-+           Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000           +-+
+----------------------------------------------------------------------+