Sinister: twin versus queen

[marikka]

i realized today at two o'clock in the afternoon that
i am in fact an adult.  what a terrible realization. 
i laugh at the sixteen-year-old boys who dress for a
country club and blast the latest dr. dre album while
they drive by the mall.  i also laugh at the girls who
think those guys are cool.  and this means that i am
at least a young adult, not a full fledged adult,
because as a young adult you understand the
contradiction that full fledged adults don't and that
kids and teenagers don't.  i don't know if i will ever
be ready for the moment when i become a full fledged
adult.  but what was it that made me feel like the
college graduate and burgeoning professional that i
am?  i bought a bed.  it is the biggest and most
expensive item i have ever purchased.  it was the fact
that i could buy a bed that did me in.  i was even
tempted to watch "sixteen candles" just to pretend
that i was in high school again and that there was a
nice gorgeous guy who had the potential to like me,
but i resisted and instead suffered through some
horrendous movie with mark harmon as a bad guy.  and
as a result of all of this, knowing who mark harmon is
and growing up in the eighties and nineties, and of
course the huge purchase of a bed, i am listening to
music that used to make me feel young and now just
reminds me that rock is dying due to the influx of
manufactured boy bands and limp bizkit.  i wonder if
the guys in limp bizkit even know how to spell
biscuit.  that is the question that i would ask fred
durst, not why he has such a huge crush on christina
aguilera, which is also a good question.

and then this week i learned that either someone has a
crush on me or believes that i have a crush on him. 
the only problem is that i don't know who he is.  and
that is what is aggravating.  why would anyone try to
hook up with a person he liked through the internet
anyway?  it all seems rather suspect.  but in response
to the email that someone has a crush on me, i spent
almost an entire night selling out dear, close friends
just to find out that the guy has eight or more
letters in his first name and seven in his last.  so
then i thought and thought and realized that the only
person i know with eight letters in the first name and
seven in the last is someone i haven't seen or spoken
to in almost two years now.  and that managed to get
me depressed.  i hate it when good people vanish from
your life.  except he was in love with his best friend
anyway, and i just wouldn't have been able to compete
with an already existing love.  this is what i have
learned.

and then on top of all of that, i am six weeks away
from twenty-three, which is just not a good number. 
there just isn't anything interesting about it except
that it is a prime number.  it's just a number that is
there.  i don't want to just be there.  anyway, i need
to get back to cleaning my apartment so that the
delivery guys don't trip tomorrow...oh, and one more
thing that has been bringing me down...my best friend
in the world is going to move to japan with her
boyfriend, leaving me to hate him and miss her.  and
there still aren't any good men in the valley, or at
least they haven't found me yet, but unless they are
clients, i probably won't ever meet them.

marikka.

and is it healthy to be obsessed with "slow graffiti"?

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