Sinister: Putting the eak! in Phreak

[Laura Llew]

Two posts from me in one day?

Now you can't say you didn't get lucky on Valentine's Day.

Someone on this list said after reading Mr. Thorniley's hilarious post, they 
felt as if they should be trying to "get in my pants." James, I think we 
need to discuss the frequency of your posts. You're what - half my age? If 
you didn't speak English and only had three days left in the country before 
you had to leave to never return due to Visa problems, you would be exactly 
what I'm looking for in a guy. Yeah, I've given up on going weak in the 
knees for witty literary b&s and pixie loving boys. Oh wait - what is that I 
hear? Rush Limbaugh and Bill Clinton just sprouted wings and are taking 
flight?*

/me sees Vel & Chrstiaan giving me disapproving looks with their arms 
crossed and one foot tapping.
Um, I mean - Ewwwww boys. Guys are icky.

I find it humorous that Archel would call me a heartthrob when I didn't get 
a DANG THING for Valentine's Day. Well, except for a super cute ecard from 
Vel & one from Ken  - the latter of which he probably sent to all the girls 
in hopes they'd discover what a witty, charming, and irresistible boy he is. 
However, I made lots of Valentines as usual. A couple of years ago I even 
made some and gave them out at a nursing home. All my friends made fun of me 
and, of course, wouldn't come with me but it was still pretty fun. Somehow, 
I resisted the temptation to write on any of them, "I've fallen for you ... 
and I can't get up." However, there was one that was a train and said "I 
choo choo choose you as my Valentine."

Since I don't have a love life I suppose I should talk about B&S. Or maybe 
I'll just talk about their love lives instead. I don't know why we keep 
'beating around the bush. We all know why no one liked the new album as much 
as their prior releases. There's not one single masturbation reference at 
all!! I guess since Sebastian was getting it AWN with Belle, he was too good 
for himself.
Mmm, this is mildly smutty.

Should I continue?
YES!

The other day I couldn't figure out how to spell 'boudoir.' I kept getting 
the ou and oi confused. It was frustrating me and so I finally had to resort 
to typing in Alexander Borgia's name on the yahoo search page and TA-DA 
there it was.  "A sensual boudoir for the romantic pleasures of women." 
Ahahaha. Alex, baby, if you're still on the list - I'm not laughing at you - 
I'm laughing far (far) away from you. If I remember correctly, he called me 
a tart. According to thespark.com, he is so wrong. Why I'm as pure as a 
Mountain Stream. Yup! "Basically, love flows from you like fresh, clean 
water from a Rocky mountain stream. Be careful, because some guy might 
combine you with only the choicest hops and turn you into a beer."  I'm 
mistaken for beer quite a lot which might be why I like going to baseball 
games so much.

-----------
Then I realized that I was just in my bra and a guy whose name I didn't even 
know was peppering my stomach with kisses. And wait - how did my hair turn 
blonde?**
-----------

Lethally Loquacious Lusty Laura Llew Leisurely Lisped:
>>In our next edition of Laura Llew's Ramblings --  # Sinister: Satan's 
>>Chatroom or The Land of Milk(maids) & Honey

Ooh, that's the first time I've ever quoted myself before. I think I like it 
-  I figure with all the new people toddling in I can start recycling my old 
posts in hopes I'll get more responses the second time around. Like my idea 
of a program to adopt poor struggling youngns like myself and help them on 
the right path by donating mix tapes or money to buy them cds. For the costs 
of filling your car up with gas, you can sponsor a girl so that she might 
have decent music to listen to. Poor impoverished Laura is stuck in a dank 
dim world filled with drab radio stations that only play backstreet boys and 
broccoli spears. Add light and enlightenment to her life by helping her so 
that her life might become a cornucopia of wonderful musical endeavors and 
happiness that will feel her very soul (yes, she even has a soul!). Every 
week you will receive a letter from your adoptee (me) telling of how your 
donation has enriched my life. I'll even send you doe eyed pictures of me 
snuggling up to my new treasures that will melt your heart (if you have one. 
which can only be proven if you participate in this program that is the 
highest echelon of charity). Well, that or I'll have Vu draw something for 
me to send. I know you are all tempted (to delete this letter. Go ahead. 
Shatter all my dreams...)

I digress (which IS easy to do when one is as impoverished as I am.)

# Sinister Saved My Life. AuntSadie is having Chris Lampien's Luv Child
I've always felt like a content goldilocks in North Carolina. It's not too 
hot in the summer and never too cold in the winter. However, this winter 
things have gone awry and we've had lots of snow. I like snow - as long as 
I'm inside sipping on hot chocolate and looking out on it saying, "Oooh 
pretty." Actually, I even like being out in snow as long as I'm not in a 
vehicle, not on the curvy mountain road that I drive every day, and not 
having to dodge a large truck as it slides down sideways. So, I've found 
myself fretting about driving in the powdery white often this winter and one 
day I even got driving tips from Starfire Dave while in #sinister.

For New Years, I went on a roadtrip to the deep south since rumor has it 
that Jack Frost never visits there. Remember children, rumors are usually 
lies!  I got stuck driving in snow in Mississippi which was ok until I came 
across a pothole which I did not see until too late since it was covered by 
the white stuff. It sent my car sliding all over the road. Have I mentioned 
yet that the on the right side there was no shoulder but only a steep drop? 
My car starts spinning in circles and I'm about to go off the road when I 
suddenly thought, "Starfire said to steer into the slide."  (Would you look 
at that? Crisis situation and my thoughts exemplify alliteration. That, my 
friends, is talent).  I don't even know what that means but I did it. And my 
hokey - it worked! I have now have a new hero! Dave, if we ever meet I owe 
you a big hug and no - that's not exchangeable for money. I just hope that 
it stays dry at the end of this month when I wander up to north to NJ and 
NY.

I hope we keep the talk about Twin Peaks, children's books, and midgets on 
ponies up on this list. I'm a fan of all three. Jer and Mike are now on my 
list of Sinisterines who I adore just for mentioning TP. Along with Julie 
who is at the top of the list because she thought of me while reading 
Virginia Woolf. I know she didn't mean it in that way but it's probably the 
best compliment I've ever gotten. Oh and Kittenmouse Andrea because she 
dressed up as the log lady for Halloween one year. That's ace. As far as 
Blake and The Giving Tree, how could anyone *not* cry upon reading that 
book. I have both Silverstein and a Little Prince prints up in my room and I 
usually spend each Saturday morning squirreled away in the children's 
section of the bookstore reading kiddy books. With Silverstein, Seuss, the 
Little Prince, the Selfish Giant, Cloudy with a chance of meatballs, 
Goodnight Moon, and Tuesdays -you can't go wrong!

What???? There's been no talk of Midgets On Ponies?!?!

Why do I even bother?

Laura
"meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977"

*sorry Big Stu - you made me do it
** http://www.missprint.org/sinister/sillustrations/
(No 1) -- Just helping you out, Vu

  Search This!
  AuntSadie's Luv child; masturbation; midgets on ponies; getting lucky
----
"Just go on the internet and you'll find plenty of guys there. Of course, 
they will all be as crazy as bedbugs." -- my mom


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