Sinister: Beef Jerky: breakfast of champions

[Lucy Alder]

Hello you lovely bunch of people.  I'm back from America lighter of pocket
and heavier of  CD collection.  I also remembered how tequila never gives
me a hangover and took full advantage of this fact - huzzah!  Having spent
the morning reading every single email in my inbox (phew!) I feel a need
to post coming on.

Somewhere in the midst of all the posts I read today, somebody mentioned
the Blessed Sebastian and then Neil talked about St Sebastian.  Sebastian
is without a doubt my favourite saint.  In paintings, he always looks pale
and skinny and waifish, with his eyes cast skywards in classic indieboy
pose and there's something strangely alluring in the way he bears the pain
of all those arrows sticking into his ribs.  My favourite arrow is the one
sticking into his thigh, though.  Rrrrraouw!  Is it allowed to fancy
saints, or is this what you'd call an unclean thought?

Speaking of violent deaths and the like, has anyone seen that Fear
programme on MTV?  Saturday's episode took place in a deserted cement
factory where there were tons of accidents in the eighties - things like a
kiln being switched on while there were people inspecting the interior and
a metal walkway collapsing while there were people on it.  There have been
loads of reports of paranormal activity since, so MTV decided to send half
a dozen foolhardy youngsters there with video cameras on Friday 13th,
during a full moon, and set them each a challenge (walk up the inside of
the kiln, retrieve a piece of paper to prove you did it, report any
paranormal activity, hear voices, feel presences, scream your little lungs
out etc.)  I curled up under the covers in my hotel room, watching from
behind the pillow clutched to my trembling bosom and tried not to get the
willies.

In the end, though, I just had to switch off after they sent a kid to the
top of a 350 foot ramp with only the full moon lighting his path and told
him to re-enact the suicide of the factory owner by sticking his head
through a noose attached to a big concrete block and then kicking said
block over the 350 foot drop to the floor.  They didn't tell him that the
rope was longer than 350 feet.  I suppose poor taste is to be expected of
MTV, but that was really something.  And what were they offering in return
for successful completion of this challenge?  Five thousand measly
dollars.  I mean, hang on (boom boom), is it really worth it?  I'm not
sure I could do that for any amount of money.  I was completely
unsuccessful in my attempts at willies prevention and now I can't even
shut my eyes while I  wash my hair in case something comes up from behind
and grabs me.  Yikes!

Did Bono really talk about humility when he won his grammy?  Fuck off, you
bloated old sloth in leather kecks, you.

I think that's all I have to say for now.  Oh no, wait a minute, one more
thing.  Bloody hell, blast and buggery I wish I was at Glasgow University,
et cetera.

Juicy Lucy

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