Sinister: someone keeps moving my chair

[marikka]

i just decided to reemerge from hibernation.  fatigue
and work have kept me locked away, and then there is
the matter of my life slowly going to hell, but i
think that is under control for the moment.

anyway, i realized this weekend, that a guy might be
tall, but that doesn't mean i will like him.  he might
even love monty python and think belle and sebastian
is a fabulous band, but that just isn't enough.  i
probably would have given him more of a chance if i
liked his hair or at least saw potential.  i don't
know what it is, i think i like shaggy or curly hair
on guys.  i think the curly has to do with my desire
to guarantee that my children have curly hair.  i
don't know if i could ever help a girl with straight
hair.  i don't know what to do with it, not that i
have brilliant ideas for curly hair, but at least i
know what not to do with curly hair.

there are of course other qualities that i appear to
look for, but the hardest one to define is the
non-wussy quality.  my personal ad would probably read
something like this: "SWF searching for tall, reserved
gentleman with a strong handshake.  Hair must be
shaggy or curly.  Well-defined opinions and ability to
defend them a must.  Preferably unmarried.  Must be
able to accept that I have a strange fondness for
Britney Spears, and unbreakable love for Belle and
Sebastian.  Cannot be fan of Creed."

seems rather demanding, but i am so tired of meeting
boys who pose as men and realizing that they just
could never get me excited over anything.  it's so
draining.  the worst part of all of this is that
someone does exist that fits these standards, he just
happens to be married.  and with my long standing
decision never to break up a marriage, i just have to
wait close by for the marriage to self-destruct.  what
is even worse is that he probably like country-western
music and would actually watch the country music
awards and be ecstatic that faith hill has invaded
american pop.  i should be more accepting, i know, but
for my sanity, i think i shall maintain the no country
music thing.  last thing i want is an affair with a
married man.  that isn't true, but with my morals in
hand, i am going to avoid such an affair at all costs.

and what does any of this have to do with belle and
sebastian, minus the random mentions above?  i blame
the thing i have for the married man on belle and
sebastian.  or maybe it is correct to blame pulp, as
jarvis keeps singing about infidelity.  i wonder if
jarvis really believes what he sings.  i can imagine
him as this tragic figure unable to find love because
the world believes him to be someone he is not...but
anyway, i am blaming belle and sebastian.  i believe
that the fact that "this is just a modern rock song"
and "slow graffiti" get stuck in my head near the
married man means something.  i don't know what, but
it seems rather cosmic, sort of.  what else can i
blame it on?

i am going to have to lock myself up again in my
apartment and crochet for a week to get myself back. 
crocheting really is the only thing that can
completely soothe me.  and i love the fact that when
you crochet you use a crochet hook, when crochet
already means hook, which is why i call it a needle.

onward, onward.  i must finish two reports before i go
back down the hill to my normal place of employment. 
i like it up here, though.  i have a nice sliding
glass door which makes me feel better than the solid
door in my other office.  maybe this office was
designed by someone who believed in feng shui.  i
recently learned from a feng shui website that i am
apparently a water person born in a normally earth
year, so i guess that makes me water-earth?  anyway,
if anyone knows what that means, i would really like
to know.

and on that note i depart and shall try to find solace
is music other than belle and sebastian, because they
only remind me of what i cannot have in this office.

marikka.


=====
One woman's 'Titanic' is another woman's 'Love Boat.'

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