Sinister: flushed from the bathroom of your heart, rant number 5 and a half.

[IsabelLark at xxx.com]

Jenowl referenced this as a diary or something...I liked that. Though I 
suspect that some people don't. I am going to rant on and I may not mention 
belle and sebastian once...though i am listening to LLPJ right now. (how 
about that, i mentioned them twice already.)

Well, anyway, yesterday was my birthday. I went to work...received some great 
gifts so that was fine, but then i went for my annual birthday GNO (girls 
night out) and it was somewhere between places that i just got the most 
hopeless feeling in my stomach. It started when we were at this pub and I 
went to the girls room...There was one open stall, so I took it. I rather 
hurriedly lifted my skirt and pulled down my tights to tinkle when i look 
down to see this turd floating around in the toilet with a single piece of 
toilet paper. which was rather shocking cause all the chicks are so dainty in 
this joint. if  you are totally disgusted, then you know how i must have 
felt...i am only crass enough to repeat it. so there i was peeing and 
gagging....so i stop midstream and debate on what to do...here i am...its my 
birthday...and i am hovering (because i only sit at home) over a freaking 
latrine (sp) with a nasty poopie. so i finished peeing anyway...and i tried 
to apply it parrably somehow...maybe i was subconsciously telling myself that 
when things get shitty i will still get through (peeing.)

Who the hell did that? I couldn't help looking everyone in the eyes with an 
"i know what you did in the middle stall stare" glare. Here all of these 
gorgeous girls all trying to look more gorgeous than the next and one of them 
dumped a load in the john and didn't even properly dispose of it nor did she 
wipe her ass well enough in my opinion. phonies everywhere, i am totally 
convinced now. It was my fucking birthday...sheesh. And if you have begun to 
know me at all...you know that something like that could just send me over 
the deep end.  but you know...you don't exactly want to go back to the table 
and start blabbing on about your new realizations and how they came about..so 
instead i just took it all in and it ruined my evening.

then this girl that tagged along was asking repeatedly why boys hurt 
girls....(cheating, etc.) and so I told her what I thought  "it is easier to 
seek forgiveness than permission" i said, but she didn't buy it as a likely 
enough excuse...and i am in no position to sell it so i gave up on her 
quickly (she may have been the middle stall culprit even, as she kept 
freshining up her lipstick right at the table. I had no choice but to suspect 
her...she knew what she did in there and probably didn't want to go back to 
the scene of the crime...and here i am thinking that she has gone poo poo and 
hardly taken the time to wipe the remains, but god damn her lipstick looks 
great.)  she will continue to be hurt. some people like to be the victim you 
know...and some people just like to victimize (sp) so in the end its all 
about balance. the real balance is knowing which person you are and not 
bitching about it constantly...though in the chance that its genuinely lovely 
then thats just of the harold and maude persuasion and not intended for real 
life anyway. 

i decided last night that the world could be made up of two types of 
people...there are those that need for a movie to be believable and those 
that don't.

so in the end, we ran into my friend scott and i ditched my 
girlfriends...well, they wanted to go dancing and i didn't. scott is 
wonderful...he never gossips or anything. i love that. he bought me birthday 
drinks until i nearly passed out. and then brought me home where i got 
horribly emotional with tears and started throwing up. he just wet a cloth 
and kept my hair brushed back. i suspect thats about as good as good gets. so 
in the end i pass out...and come to this morning in my bed with a bucket 
beside me.

i come downstairs and there is Scott sleeping on the sofa. and i wondered for 
a while how come I hadn't seen it before. this wonderful boy, that treats me 
so well...gets all my jokes and likes the same music, he is even hot looking. 
staying at my place...not being dirty about it either. just putting me to bed 
and sleeping on my sofa. and he could have easily taken advantage of the 
situation, but he didn't...and i would have slept with him too, but he didn't 
even try. why hadn't i seen it in him before. so i take the day off from work 
and so does he and we had a wonderful day.

tonight we had a total G rated date...no liquor, no beer...just dinner and a 
3-D movie. i think we are two people that don't need the movie to be 
believable just enjoyable. could i be falling in la la la love? 

sigh.
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