Sinister: seems like im in demand but ive been framed again

[sweetie something]

sinister

right now it is 23.59, 14/12/2001 and i am sitting in front of my comp
(this will hopefully get sent 2mo as i am offline- will paste into hotmail)
listening to the offspring, ixnay on the hombre will come on any minute
(recorded on the same md)

hmm
i need more music to wallow in

and ive been thinking


today when i was at work
eagle eye cherry 'save tonite' came on
and that me sad
it made me think of my b/f and
the beginning and
when he first left
and
how things are just a big mess now

i know what i want with him
and from him
and although now
i think he realises better what it is
that will make us a work
i fear its too late
too late
and i am just desperatly grasping at any stray threads
that i can see
but i think theyre just coming loose in my hand
and getting lost
like threads do

the other nite
before i went to sleep
i had the most horrid vivid scary pictures
in front of my eyes
in one of them i shot myself in the head
and i contemplated everything
that would be affected if i did kill myself
and that scared me
:(

and i also keep thinking how shite things are now
things in general
but i knew this would be a bad year
coz 2000 was good
but 1999 was awful
(i feel like i did in '99)
but this is a bad year to be bad
because this is the year when everything happens
i sit my final exams
i leave school
i go onto something else
i turn 18
i stand in court against my dad for their divorce
we probably will have to move to another house
coz this one costs too much
mortgage and stuff
coz my dads a liar
but i like this house
i love my room

this year is an end
and a beginning
one of no doubt many
but this is my first real one
and
im awful scared about it all

on the bright side
2000 brought me friends
real friends
and i still have them

sorry about this post
i hope
i hope ive not pissed anybody off with it

thats all

xox

icq #42242252
msn messanger
something_sinister at hotmail.com

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If I wasn't psychotic I would never have found my true self.


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