Sinister: The gnarl under my thigh is a kind of irregular rhumboid shape, further complicated by a slight ridge heading left to right, although it is possible that this last observation is not unconnected to the back pocket of the jeans I am wearing.

[Greg Pallis]

This is a good week.

On Sunday the adverbs contest ended. All you had to do was write me a
one-line email, and way over 1000 people on the list didn't bother. Three
people did. The winner was "vaingloriously", a staggeringly top word.

On Monday I stayed up working really late, 'cos there's this Sixth form
essay competion at my school, and it's compulsory to anyone doing English
A-Level, which I am, and I wanted to write a good one because the top prize
is fifty quid, and, well, I really, really need fifty quid. It's about a
possibly autistic maths genius failing
a job interview in a florist by thinking obsessively about pop music, and in
particular the mighty Strawberry Switchblade. Everyone else's are all
massive long poems about staying in their rooms listening to the Manics or
recycled movie plots, so I'm in with a chance, I'm thinking. And then my
English teacher, who's just about the coolest person on earth, 'cos she's
young and hip and set No Logo as our set coursework book and used to write
for NME (!), comes into our lesson and asks "Why Strawberry Switchblade?".
And I say "Because they rock". And she tells me how my essay provoked a
crazed evening of singing along to 'Since Yesterday' and 'Trees and
Flowers'. Which was completely unexpected.

"Well you know how it is, it's boy meets girl and pretty soon it all goes
wrong...".

And then Sarah Clarke said: "Was it to hide Stuarts semen after he wanked in
her hair?", and Peter Miller is right, this was unarguably the gratest line
ever.

And then I started thinking about noses. 'Cos I suddenly realised mine is
too big, and I was panicked. And then I looked at all my friends, and all
their noses are too big too. And so is Brad Pitt's, and Britany Spears', and
ewwww! And then I started staring at people on the street, trying
desperately to find someone with an acceptable nose, and I couldn't. I think
only a few people on earth might have noses that are just about acceptable.
It is impossible to have a nose that is too small. And then I talked to the
boy who I hated until the girl who I fancied dumped him, and he was nice.
And then I talked to her, and she wasn't. And her nose is too big. So now I
don't fancy anyone, really. It's rather worrying, and happens far too often.

And then someone offlist sent me a tape of Bax rarities, and to describe it
as absolutely stonkingly brilliant would be nowhere near praise enough. They
are good.

> [Rinaldo stuff]
Interestingly, I liked Belle and Sebastian a lot more when I still lived at
home and had never learned to masturbate. I still like them now, though. I
am eagerly awaiting the first pornographic B&S story now, it could start
something like "Belle and Sebastian are not snogging. They are, however,
screwing like rabbits." or "Sebastian thinks Belle kicks with the other
foot. Sebastian is wrong - she kicks with both.". Oh, I don't know, there
are people here a lot filthier than me.

Wait a minute, it's the chorus of 'Tina Dreams' and I must jump around like
an idiot and point and dance and things.

Right, back now. I wish I didn't do Further Maths A-Level, or that I still
did but actually liked Maths. I printed out Erica's 'Trash Girls #1' and
stuck it on my wall...  My favourite Trash Girlz moment is:
Trash Girl #1: (Looks at me)
Me: (Looks at Trash Girl #1)
Trash Girl #1: (Dances at me)
Me: (Dances at Trash Girl #1)
Trash Girl #1: (Leans over and snogs Trash Girl #2)

Maybe you had to be there. Do people ever use the word "stomper" except in
the context of "rollicking Northern Soul stomper"? And why are my posts so
tediously long?

I integrate partial fractions now.
Greg

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