Sinister: isn't it funny how a bear likes hunny...

[Pete Ramsdale]

It takes a lot to get me to post.

Congratulations, Fiona, you've just managed it. Of course, this throws me
into an inner debate about my worth to sinister and society in general -
well, it's a rather awful state of affairs when no amount of intelligent
debate about Napster, Petula Clark or the ever-present topic (at least in
the head of Mr. P. Miller, Esq.) of seventies WHO doesn't prompt me to
spout forth, but the merest mention of a blocked khazi makes me jump for my
keyboard with the acrobatic energy of a rabid hound.

Anyway, inner debating aside, here are a few
hypothi....hypoffesee...hipo....ideas on how to remedy your current
situation. In true chartsesque, reverse order, of course.

5. Use the marigolds. Never attempt anything without the gloves.

4. Nip down to your local ICI, carry out a daring dawn raid, and purloin a
few vats full of concentrated sulphuric acid. Tip them down your shitter,
and your problem's gone. Mind you, so has your shitter, but that's neither
here nor there.

3. Fight fire with fire. Trek down to the local Indian, consume 3 Prawn
Jalfrezis, sixteen poppadoms with !H!O!T! lime chutney, two portions of
basmati rice and one of those unspeakably awful coconut desserts. Then
hover over your loo for half an hour when you get back home and dissolve
the offending matter with your offending matter. Warning: side-effects
similar to number 4, only this one gets rid of your arse as well.

2. Move house. This is by far the most effective, if the most costly, of
your options. In the worst-case scenario that it is actually you that has
plugged your trough, however, be warned that this doesn't work. You'll just
end up running away from yourself constantly, leading to all kinds of
embarrassing social problems in later life. You may even go mad. Which
brings me to option number one.

1. Lock yourself in your room. Never go out, apart from the occasional
sojourn downstairs to paint the fridge green. Speak in tongues, and when
anybody knocks on your door, bark at them repeatedly. Play Lou Reed's Metal
Machine Music and anything by Van Der Graaf Generator. When the men in
white coats come to cart you away.........





........just plead insanitary.

I think that was my last ever post to Sinister.

Don't you?

lol p xx.
-- 

 -----------------------------*||*--------------------------------

 "To see a World in a Grain of Sand
  And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
  Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
  And Eternity in an hour"
                           "Auguries of Innocence" - William Blake

     Pete Ramsdale - Unix Systems Administration, UBS Warburg.
                     Phone:  020 7568 3836

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