Sinister: So many Christians. So few Lion (Llews)

[Laura Llew]

             DOWN
                      THE
                               RABBIT
                                          HOLE

First, some questions:
Is the NME really qualified to make such diagnosis as calling us a "sick 
posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans"?
If so, where did they obtain their degree from?

If it is the same veritable spring of wisdom and knowledge where they drunk 
from to be endowed with their formidable journalism and writing skills, it 
isn't a wonder that none of us are worried.

Second, some comments:
Big Stu Boisterously Stuttered:
>Remember, the Jonathan David single is available on mail order from 
> >listees in Britain, and the commission charged isn't financial...

Why, Stu, if this were an after-school special you'd pay a precious price 
for your moral depravity which all started with subtly hinted pathetic 
perversions such as this. Thankfully, I escaped the clutches of becoming 
another Blanche DuBois and obtained "Jonathan David" without having to rely 
on the "kindness" of strangers.

I've heard many of a whimperer claim that this version of "Loneliness .." 
isn't as good as others. I don't know what kind of Hi-Fi systems you people 
possess but any rendition where I can actually HEAR the entire song would be 
an improvement over the copies I have.  I kept postulating what happened to 
the person holding the recorder as to why the song was so incredibly uneven. 
Were they trying to become one with the song's narrator and just took off 
running jogging during the middle of the tune? Was it another case of 
instantaneous Stu Swooning? Even with the poor quality of my prior 
recordings, I still adored the song and that love has now blossomed fully 
with having the single.

I've decided that B&S need to hire me as their new consultant. This whole 
music of biblical proportion idea is getting tre tiresome. Anymore, jermiads 
or haughty harangues from Mr. Murdoch and I shall be forced to forsake this 
group for something more hedonistically appealing - like Amy Grant. Perhaps 
they should part from the road to Damascus and try a foray into Greek 
Mythology.  With my kidnapping adventure with Cupid, I can attest that it's 
much more fun. Damon and Pythias would be comparable to Jonathan David and 
think of all the fun rhymes with Pythias!  Or don't... Perhaps they're 
simply caught between Scylla and Charybdis. (See! The possibilities are 
endless!)  If my memory serves me correctly, REM might have already tried 
this route anyway. All it resulted in were young boys with eyes glazed over 
with music tapping their finger to their lips as they tried to figure out 
the allusions. Anything which puzzles and bewildered males is good in my 
book (which is filled with mostly pictures).

I Love My Car
I'm from the south so I know all about an automobile being closer to one's 
heart than your spouse or more shocking yet - your own dog. However, I'm 
here to tell you that such love affairs can be detrimental to your emotional 
well-being. You go through 160,000 miles with a car, you love it, you care 
for it, you lovingly call it Hubris because never before has a car had a 
brighter shine or a engine that purred as sweetly. Sure, there were a few 
scrapes when you let your sister drive and that entire ordeal about a 
boulder falling on the hood while driving through a canyon in Colorado, but 
still it's your everything. Then on a hot sultry day in South Carolina it 
decides it doesn't love you anymore. Your gas foot was too heavy, your 
braking too light, your frequent oil changes not enough, and  it's sick of a 
tattered copy of Gravity's Rainbow sitting in the back window which is NEVER 
going to be read. It's moving on, sweetheart. Oh it'll run for you now but 
not without grumbling a curse of, "You're going to wish western North 
Carolina had public transportation, baby" as it finally starts with a cough. 
You're left scanning the newspapers for the next sale at the dealership will 
you'll have to settle for another car who will just leave you at the side of 
the road refusing to budge because you don't give it a high sheen wax 
anymore.

Meanwhile, my friend just named his new car after me. Woo Hoo! I bet 
"Llewie" has a great chassis. I can't wait till she breaks his hear - Awwww 
yeah....

Laura
'meeting all of your Laura Llew needs since 1977'

PS - apologies to Grainne for thinking she was a boy simply because I'm 
unfamiliar with her name. I simply thought anything which started with a 
"Grrrr" would be associated with males.
PPS-  Bre, never before have I been referred to as "endowed." From now on, 
you shall hear nothing but harassment and cat calls from me
PPPS - I love Chrissy because he's too Prissy for anything but a horse drawn 
carriage
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 +-+    "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000     +-+
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 +-+               Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa                 +-+
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