Sinister: I bowled her over with my good looks

[Blake]

howdy you....oh you.....you...um

bowling shoes have been the rage as of late.  let me say, bowling is SUPERB.
let me just say.  i'm not quite sure what it is, the constant dormancy that
seems to plague us all student types during the sleepy summer turns us all
to one thing when the evenings of wine and misplaced confessions have begun
to stale: WHOLESOME FUN.

this includes and incidentally features, bowling.  i think i've been bowling
five times already this summer.  which is a lot.  the world may very well be
divided into two distinct groups: bowlers and non-bowlers.  i'm afraid i
fall into the latter category.  some comparisons that have been made to me
and my bowling technique: a ballet dancer performing "swan lake" or "someone
having a conniption and then correcting himself and feeling a whole lot
better mid-stroke".  i wasn't born with grace or elegance, and baby, my
bowling game doesn't cut me any slack.  MIRACLE: the other night i bowled a
159.  despite the feeling that the world has polarized itself against me
constantly, and really, what better forum than a room divided into slabs of
wood late at night to explicate such an unwordly disposition, due to some
grotesque cosmic reversal of fortune, i scored a bunch of strikes including
a TURKEY (which i was immediately informed was an appropriate thing for ME
to obtain) and the hearts of all the girls at the bowling alley who had not
doused their bleached hair with 7 and a half cans of hair spray.  they had
bangs, too.  and stonewashed jeans.  so my plasticman-esque form at the
alley was the ballroom equivalent of fred astaire.  i swear it.

oh, about BOWLING SHOES again.  the previous bowling excursion saw me arrive
at the alley with flip flops and no socks.  weep for me, as the funny
looking chain smoking too tight shirt wearing bowling alley don informed me
they had none of those disposable socks.  so i had to wear bowling shoes
with NO SOCKS.  if this sounds disgusting, well it is.  it's worse,
actually.  the thing is, although very stylish and equally comfortable (with
some sort of initial foot covering) they are equipped with absolutely no
ventilation.  and to think they were assembled by a motley group of third
world starved children.  kathie lee gifford, i hope you're happy.

also.  maybe i'm one of the few people in the world who still uses bar soap.
when i was in SUPER WAL-MART last night buying some new BARS and i was
greeted with an almost cataclysmic reaction by my female friends.
apparently they use that furry creature known as a POOF, which sounds a bit
iffy to me, and liquid soap.  i didn't quite buy the nomenclature of this
creature, as i referred to it as SHOWER PUFF and WATER FRAMACE.  the girl
buying it and i decided to call it whatever it rang up as.  so as the
delightful wal mart employee slid that neon green blob over the infrared box
we watched the black and green screen and across it wept "BATH ACCESS 1.19".
bath access.  clearly.

and with that, no content or otherwise, i bid you adieu
the nerdy shy-eyed pacifist
blake

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