Sinister: Shoot the textual athlete.

[Jonathan Howell]

Hello you fellows.

Since reading (The) Pine Fox's last post I've been fighting the compulsion
to lock myself in a cupboard and reel of the names of everyone who has ever
influenced me. I could be there for hours, calling out authors, bands,
listees, artists, critics and miscellaneous others (HOURS). The level of
gratuitous referencing was, I'm sure you'll all admit, truly astounding...
surely it can't be an accident, it must take a concerted effort to produce
something like that. So what's his motivation? I have some theories.

1. It's an attempt to take over the list by forcing us all into cupboards
where we'll sit name-dropping (in reply) until we collapse from red-bull
depravation. But Mr. Fox... what fun will the list be when everyone else is
gone? (note, at the time of writing, his is the most recent post. I'm
worried about the rest of you. Ring/text/email your Sinister friends... if
there's no reply then go around to their houses <via an offy or some other
source of Red-Bull> and retrieve them from those cupboards).

2. He's trying to hide his real influences... Mills and Boon novels and
Abba. (Admit it PF, living a lie is getting too much for you.)

3. He's suffering from some sort of referencing fever... Good god, get this
man to a doctor.

4. It's a bit of a windup, he's seeing how far he can reference before we
realise he's being silly...  Perhaps it's like that shake-hands-man on
Banzai.

[Product placement] I managed to resist this urge to
reference/hibernate-in-a-cupboard by eating half a kilogram of cold Ambrosia
custard. I only ever eat it cold, no-one else agrees with me on this, they
all prefer it hot. Surely there are some more cold custard people out there.
Do you find it chilling that cold Ambrosia really is the food of the gods?
If I eat enough will I be deified... or just grow fat? Were the Gods fat?
Damn you Pine Fox... more of this and I'll go lardy (though not lame).

On a sort of linked subject... It occurs to me that a remarkable number of
people mention 'editors' in their posts... is there a correlation between
Journalists and liking Belle & Sebastian (like the English student thing).
If so,,,, what happened to those clowns at the eNeM(E)y? (Don't get me
started on that publication, I bought a copy the other day and it was full
of Hip-hop and dance... a big spread on Aia napa (sp?) Vs Ibiza... Judas! I
threw it out in disgust). I suppose English students are more likely to have
a journalistic streak.

I have a plan to get rich, it occured to me as I was eating lunch... if
people like croutons, surely they like their soup to crunch... With today's
technology I'm sure we can make crunchy soup... people can enjoy that wet
yet crunchy feel without the hassle of opening the crouton packet. (people
are all for these time saving malarkies... shampoo with conditioner, soap
with moituriser, soup with croutons, perhaps we can combine them all.
Crunchy-soap-soup: for a shiny, healthy lower intestine). I'm running off to
the patent office now... I'll be rich, rich goddamnit!

Yes well... *cough*...

Love and other stuff.

Jonny.

(is the reason we post for at least fifteen minutes so that we can get our
RDA of fame?)

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