Sinister: Wales - the Undiscovered Country

[Robin Stout]

  I went to Wales today, for a job interview in Newport. I'd forgotten Wales 
existed. The Alpha Line darted past ruminating sheep, sheltering in shadows, 
and terraced houses whose gardens were impossibly full of rusty cars. They 
must have driven them through the kitchen.

  The interview went well, and now I'm worried I might have got the job. You 
see, when I went for it I assumed I wouldn't, and now I don't know. Suddenly 
things have become daunting. I'll have to stop sitting around all day and 
become a working man. I'll have to polish my shoes every day and grow a 
moustache and buy a walking-stick umbrella. Oh Lord! It's very scary.

  Then I arrived home and my sister's goldfish had died. It hadn't been 
eating properly and had been looking peaky for days. I'd say it had been 
looking "green around the gills" but it hadn't. So it had been swimming 
around that morning, unhappy but alive, then when I arrived home it was 
swimming on its side, without moving its fins, or breathing - or living for 
that matter. I put it in a cornflakes box and gave it a dignified burial in 
the bin. My sister's in New Zealand, so she doesn't *have* to know. I can 
always pretend it's still alive - "How's the goldfish?" "Oh, you know, 
swimming." "Oh that's good." It's not like it ever did much else. But I 
don't think I could handle the guilt.

  So Belle and Sebastian *have* to release their new single soon to take my 
troubles away. The only thing that would make me happier would be a photo of 
Ken Chu's bare bottom. But even the Pope couldn't afford one of those.

  I'm not coming to the picnic on Saturday because I'm working. But I might 
climb onto the roof of the shop with a cheese sandwich and pretend I'm 
there. At least that way I can pretend I'm good at football.

  love
  Robin x


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