Sinister: I prefer honeydew myself, but there's no accounting for taste!

[m.e. curtin]

ON GREETINGS
Screw greetings, I'm going to dive into this fair and square.

ON MYSELF AND THE POSTAL SERVICE
I was reflecting on my contributions to this list last night, and it took
all of ten seconds for me to realize just how inadequate and altogether
forgettable I am.  Aside from my gallant apple butter bonanza, I might as
well be an All Saints fan (shudder).  Since no one will remember this,
then, I'm making a very obvious plea for mail.  I know I'm a pathetic
creature, but can you blame me for liking packages?  No.  So if you like
spending money on postage, or perhaps you have excellent penmanship, send
me something.  Anything.  A tape, a letter, a severed body part - whatever
you see fit.  I promise I'd send a tape, a letter or a severed body part
back, depending on the case.  Keep it in mind kidlets.  I'm nice and I
always find pretty stamps to use.

ON MY FATHER AND RANDOM PHRASES
This is the first of two rather feeble B&S related comments, so be
prepared.  My parents were bickering over something the other day, and I
think my mom wanted my father to do something like yell at the neighbours,
which she wouldn't do herself as she felt my father deserved such a
dubious task.  I don't understand this part of the story, but the key
thing is that my father, unwilling to follow my mom's wishes, said:"Well,
talk about being Johnathan to your David!"  Whoa.  "What the hell did you
just say?" is what I said, in less-than-polite terms, to my father and he
repeated it.  I was confused.  What are the odds of such an obscure turn
of phrase being uttered on the eve(ish) of a certain single's release?  I
don't even understand what he was trying to say.  I suppose I shouldn't
have been surprised that my father said this, because this is the same man
who once asked my mother to call him a melon.  "what teh hell for?", asks
my mother, "So you can be my melon-cally baby!", replies my father,
sagely.  It's comments like those that destroy any semblance of filial
love.

ON FREE MUSIC MAGAZINES AND THEIR FUNNY COMMENTARY
I was reading this magazine called Exclaim the other day as I waited for
the bus, and i Noticed a review of the much-maligned Kings of
Convenience.  Anyway, the author writes: "They remain a cross between a
sexier Simon and Garfunkel and Belle and Sebastian without the annoying
self-righteous attitude."  At this I L-A-U-G-H-E-D uncontrollably, knowing
just how annoying comments like these are, especially to certain members
of this list.  How positively G-O-T-H-I-C!  It's now my goal to be as
cripplingly (?) self-righteous as possible, so THERE!

ON CARNIES
They're very frightening.  I work in a park and the carnival has come to
town.  They've begun setting it up and they are a unique breed of
people.  One carnie came up to me, presumably as I was the first woman
he's seen without a beard in a while, and he says:" EH baby!  I can get
you a free ride on the Zipper any time you like!  I found this to be
curiously sophisticated double entendre for a man of such bearing.  Oh
well, at least the carnies find a niche in a park full of the sexually
misadventurous and the mentally unsound.

ON ALL THINGS UNPRONOUNCABLE
Several years ago I was working in a department store, and this man with a
very exotic accent came up to me and asked me for help finding some
shoes.  He was very nice and I was very nice and we got him a nice new
pair of shoes.  Then he was asking me where a good record store was, so I
told him.  Then he asked me what music I liked so I told him that too.  He
said to me, upon hearing my preferences, that I should try to hear some
stuff by this band Sigur Ros (apparently he was from Iceland after
all).  I didn't think much about it.  Now, of course, they are positively
SOUGHT AFTER!  I thought I'd give them a try.  I must say, they arene't
half bad.  It strikes me as strangely efficacious make-out music, but I've
no proof of that.  I just wish I had looked a little harder for them when
that man told me to, and I wouldn't feel like such a dolt for jumping on
the bandwagon now.

ON GORDON
I, too, like this curious lister Gordon.  I know I'm a bit late in owing
up to this, but I'm slow of mind anyway.  I like to think that if I met
him in the street (which I doubt i EVER will) I could call him Gordie just
once.  He probably wouldn't like that though.  He strikes me as nice,
(goodness, I'm being positively stricken in this post) though for all I
know he tortures kitties in dark alleyways.  I doubt that though.  I very
much liked Gordon's handling of J. & D.  The next time you're perusing
your Bible Mr. Gordon, perhaps you could relate to us the story of
Ruth.  Ruth is my confirmation name, but I can't for the life of me
remember why.  I went to a pagan high school, so I've forgotten the little
biblical knowledge I may have ever possessed.  Keep up the good work
Gordie!

ON GENEVIEVE
Where the hell is she?  She has such a lovely name.

ON CLOSINGS
Screw closings, I'm just going to leave, fair and square.

Yours, positively,
Marybeth

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