Sinister: Vote for Us!

[Will Salt]

And now, for our UK readers, a Party Election Broadcast on behalf of
the Sinister Party.



Which party is the only one you can trust to run the country the way
you want it to be run?  That's right, the Sinister Party!

Vote for the Sinister Party!  We promise to revolutionise education by 
bringing the concept of "good taste" into music classes.  All B+S CDs
will receive government subsidies!  All teenage boys will receive a
free Isobel poster to hang on their wall!  Independant music will be
supported, and Steps will leave the country!

When we're elected, the Meals-On-Wheels service will be replaced by a
Cake-On-Wheels service.  We will invest in our own custom-built
Sinister nursing home to care for list -- sorry, *party* members in
their old age!  A free packet of custard creams to every voter!  We
will selflessly persecute online ticket agencies who don't send out
tickets until the last minute, with every means at our disposal -- and 
that *includes* rocket launchers.

We believe that Westminster is a terrible place to run the country
from, so we're going to move Parliament somewhere else!  Apparently,
there's a place just outside Rye that's ideal for the job.  We're
going to bring democracy back to the people.  We prefer Kate Bush to
George Bush!

B+S-deprived areas such as Dingwall, Cleethorpes and the Wirral will
receive special help in our manifesto committments.  These districts
will be flooded with beautiful people and quality music, driving all
those awful dance compilations right out of the record shops.  We even 
promise Ned Rehabilitation centres, to carefully wean them off of
their Buckfast and cheap jewellery.

We will fund our progressive policies by imposing purchase taxes of
485673927% on all NuMetal music.  Owners of Eminem records will be
given a choice of counselling; or a sign to stick to their foreheads
saying "it's a present for my sister, honest".  Our policies will lead 
to a happier nation!  To people humming beautiful tunes in the street!
We will bring you a land with picnics every weekend and drunken
pub-trips every night.

Sinister candidates will be standing in such key constituencies as
Glasgow Barrowlands, Edinburgh Poshbits, Preston North End, Birmingham 
Accent and Grimsby Fish Dock Number Three.  There's no excuse not to
vote for them!  If you're a first-time voter, all our candidates have
been ordered to do *whatever* it takes to get you to vote for them.
After election, our members will be firm and upstanding on all the
important issues of the day!

Vote Sinister! You know it's the only choice that makes sense in this
place!



That was a Party Election Broadcast on behalf of the Sinister Party.
It will be repeated at 11.30 on Channel 5, with added nudity and
signing for the deaf.  We apologise to all those non-British people
who have no idea what all this is about, not to mention List Mummy who 
probably wants to get her whip out at me for sending such nonsense to
people.  And now, the shipping forecast...



-- 
Will Salt
ICQ 66321009
http://www.btinternet.com/~wpsalt




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