Sinister: fabulously beautiful bits of poo

[honey at xxx.org]

Eek, hello :)

Ian Nicolson said:
> Not many people have been posting gig reviews so far

I went to Dunoon and Dunfermline, and scared as I am that no-one will
remember me, I will peek out from my sinister hidey-hole and add a few
bits to what's been said.  Dunoon was so long ago I can hardly remember
it but it was great!  The beach was great too.  We found dead crabs,
worms with sand coming out of their bottoms, starfish and Linda forgot
to say she found a pearl in a rockpool!  Is this normal?  It didn't
have a hole through it so maybe it was real.  Pearls are really just
fabulously beautiful bits of poo in a way aren't they?

I'll add a few Dunfermlinesqe bits to Ian's admirable account.  During
the "break", when the band decide to take requests, Stuart's supposed
to have a little rest, apparently.  Stevie is supposed to sing, and
Stuart is supposed to sip cocktails.  I am still not sure if the
requests from the crowd are a setup, like someone bringing Uri Geller a
particularly bendy spoon.  Stevie didn't seem to hear the requests for
Billie Jean last night, which is a pit because I was dying to see the
walk.  As Ian said, they did the Zombies "Time of the Season", which
they confessed to sort of knowing (Sarah and Isobel certainly knew the
clicks chick-ket-kah!).  Stuart said they'd done it at that Scottish
Socialist gig, so only the socialists in the band knew it.  Chris,
being a strict communist, didn't.  It was very good.  Stuart said after
the song, as the management brought on a tray of non-alcoholic
cocktails, that he felt slightly cheated because he was supposed to
have had a rest.  Beanz commented "you feel cheated, think how they
feel" and gave us all one of his Beanzy looks.

I really really really want someone to suggest they cover "Wombling
Merry Christmas".  Will you shout it out?  I'm shy.  We should all
agree to shout out requests for the same song at the Glasgow or
London gigs, just so we know if it's a setup or not.  We will foil
their dastardly plans (pesky kids, etc.).

Spacestation Carey Lander said that watching the dixie support band,
the Uptown Shufflers, was like watching an episode of Dad's Army.  It
was.  A "faggy but nice" list member may have received a mysterious
phone call last night at around 9pm that lasted about 3 minutes and had
a scottish boy singing about a portrait in his backroom.  Mark, we only
did it to make you jealous.  Oh and we met Shawn, Emily and Elias from
the colonies, and Ms Vicky Voddypea and Steve, and Sophie, and
Christopher Danke, who were all lovely.  What's wrong with you all!
You're supposed to be weirdo internet freaks!

These concerts really are the best I've ever seen the band, quite
honestly.  They are all BIG smiles, having a great time, the new songs
are fab, and I like the string section and kerrrazy little men from the
Uptown Shufflers (Mick's pals) with trombones and susaphones who amble
on stage to play "I Love My Car".  Which is a FAB song!  All the new
songs are great, the band are tight, and FUN, Belfast Bob has a
jawline, cheekbones and twinkly eyes to make a young girl sigh (sigh)
and you will have a great time if you see them live.  And if you don't,
you will still have a great time!  Because jigsaws are great too!
(oops)

People with an inclination to like the first two LPs of any given band
then go right off them will see the string section, the ability to hit
the notes at the same time and generally have fun on stage as
confirmation of all they feared for the band's loss of integrity, so
they will have a great time too.

The new song with the tape loop is a steal of Leaving On a Jet Plane.
It really is, but in a good way.  Whoever said Carriage Clock was a
steal of "I've Been To Paradise, But I've Never Been To Me" (the best
song of the post-war period) was very quick off the mark: so true.
Lawyers hover in the wings, biros poised.

Incidentally, I've been undressed by kings, and I've seen some things
that a woman ain't supposed to see.

Honey xxx
Non-executive list mummy.

P.S. Ms Genevieve Wesley has not disappeared, I can exclusively
confirm.  It was only last week she passed me a perfumed notelet in
Double Maths.

P.S. I just saw Ms Hottodir's plea for us not to mention the gigs after
I'd written this.  It took more than 15 mins, so, like Cliff Richard
would, I am inclined to hit send, on the basis that none of us will
have much to say after the UK tour is up and the early gigs are
forgotten memories.  Then there's the subsequent gigs they will
probably do in Europe or the US.  When will our silence end!  We must
have our pie and eat it.  I look to the acting list mummy for a
ruling.  Oh yes.


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