Sinister: My life as a Bus Drivers enemy

[toescantalk at xxx.com]

Hello children,

I hope I find you all in fine fettle. I'll be very late and probably last, again, in saying that I had a very lovelyicious time in Glasgow for giggages. And won't it be fun with this weekend in London with a double attack of Glaswegian pop with B&S and Camera Obscura and picnics full of cup cakes and fish cakes and Ribena Toothkind. As the other Ribena's are NASTY and EVIL to teeth. So be very afraid. There's not much a bed full of soft toys and a collection of antique cardigans can do in defense of EVIL Ribena... Umm.. Talking of EVIL things aren't BUSES EVIL. In particular the drivers of said mode of public transportation. This morning I got thrown off a bus for shops open at 6:30am not having any change to give me for my 10 English pound note and told to try the next bus behind. I thought he was pointing at the back to just get on anyway until he shouted at me to get off his bus. EVIL. I was then similarly told by that bus driver to get off and lectured about how it was my responsibility as a utiliser of said public transportation system to carry round exact change at all times. People wishing to travel on said packed bus were very impressed by my delaying their journey so I interrupted him and explained my situation calmly and clearly. Well OK I told him I needed to get to fucking work. Which wasn't nice of me I know, but I had been drinking alot of Ribena of the non-toothkind variety recently which as we know is EVIL. And it had not only given me EVIL teeth, but it had spread to my newly purple and thoroughly EVIL tongue. Well obviously that led to the bus driver ranting about how it wasn't necessary to swear. He was a right ranter. A bit like that lovely tennis player from Barcelona still trying to win her first Wimbledon A ranter Sanchez. Talking of which why can't it rain cause then we get to here Cliff Richard singing great songs. Bugger tennis, give me Cliff anytime. Funnily enough Sue Barker used to say something like that.. Umm... oh the bus, well then I got bored and said are you going to let me on o
 not one to keep his opinions to himself he let me know how it wasn't his job to throw people off buses and that I would be travel illegally. So I said fair enough I'll even pay the £5 penalty fare if I get caught, that is if they have any change. And I can tell you all it really is a thrill to travel illegally. I had an illegal seat, illegal buttons to press to inform the ranting driver it was my illegal stop to end my illegal journey and illegally got off the vehicle and everything... I really wish I was at home dreaming of giant caterpillars right now. Oh and come to the picnic on Saturday in Greenwich, London, Great Britain it should be nice. Like a fluffy bunnny on Felecity Kendall's lap. NICE. Strawberry flavour. Oh and don't worry about climbing up Greenwich Hill as I'm planning to get a shopping trolley, some strong wire and a few pulleys. Thus creating my own cable car system. I may charge a small fee as Shopping Trolleys don't come cheap these days. £1.. I ask you. Oh and don't worry about having correct change...

Te ra,

Martin

P.S Damn, I just rememberd about paragraphs. I hate it when that happens.




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