Sinister: She came in for a hamburger with the lot, no meat. "Hey that's a salad roll" I said, and we started going out.

[Gardiner, Stuart]

Well folks, we've been conned. You see, when I heard about the Glasgow gig,
I sent my spies to work (I bet you didn't know I had a secret ring of spies
working for me, did you? Come to think of it, neither did I until I wrote
this, but never mind). It turns out that it wasn't the actual band onstage,
they're still holed up in New York working on their secret project.

You see, their secret project involves human cloning. It turns out that B&S
has just been a front all these years to raise money for Wee Chris' sinister
scheme. They first attempted to clone Stuart David, who was so disgusted
that he quit the band. Unfortunately, it all went horribly wrong, and
produced the bundle of filth which we all know as Peacock Johnston.

But they persevered, and have now finished their first attempt at a
completely cloned band; it was these who were being tested at Glasgow Uni
the other day. It sounds like they've got them pretty lifelike, but the
tell-tale signs are there if you know where to look: Stuart M being reported
as 'rocking out'; the band making it through the entire gig without any
instruments breaking; and the final dead give-away, the so-called band
claiming that they're going to release Loneliness of the Middle Distance
Runner, when we all know that it has been confirmed for a release date of
five days after the apocalypse.

Unfortunately, their scheme is doomed to failure, because Radiohead have
been cloning bands to look and sound exactly like themselves for years.



Meanwhile, Lucy asked:
> And did Isobel have a big pair of maracas?

and we all look forward to seeing a picture of Isobel's maracas on the
bodyparts page.



TV Comedian Greg Hemphill. I'm sorry, but WHO????? What the hell TV programs
has he been on??????? Don't worry Stuart, you can be rector of this
university, we'll create the post especially for you...



Every time we hear from them, I picture in my mind the Sillustrators locked
in a smoky basement, slaving over their drawings, with the only light coming
from a candle each and a small window near the ceiling, and all they can see
out of it is a wood with foxes roaming around it, while Princess Honey
stands over them in her black leather catsuit whipping them if they're not
trying hard enough.


We also look forward to a picture of Princess Honey in a black leather
catsuit on the bodyparts page.


Big Stu


In Dorset?
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