Sinister: Begging for relief

[Jeremy Tweddle]

Hello,

This is my first post and you're all scaring me...

I've been on the outer for a few months and watched patiently as concepts
that I couldn't fully expand or exploit wafted past. I'm feeling somewhat
akin to a little kid at school who gets recognised by one of the big kids,
and staggers dizzily around for the rest of the day, hoping to turn another
corner and feel the thrill of minor recognition once more.

Well, by now you're either moving on to another message in the hope that
your lack of response will shatter my spirits and instantaneously destroy my
will to post, or you could just be asking why it is that I've chosen this
moment in particular to break my vow of silence. Then again you might not be
thinking either, and I may have bored you sufficiently already for your
brain to go for a nice quiet walk, on the off chance that somebody else is
saying something more interesting somewhere else.

Sorry about that. I got a little bit carried away.

Now, my reason for posting...

Yesterday, Gordon wrote something along the lines of

> I had a similar experience whilst shopping in Euralille a few years
> back, in which a girl said "doucement". This sound remained with me for
> hours, miles even, all the way to St.Raphael on the Cote d'Azur the
> following morning, where a couple of equally charming (but cunning)
 > women took the trouble to relieve me of most of my luggage, from the
> rack at the far end of the railway carriage, including a rather fabulous
> (and brand new) artificial-fibre black polo-neck from... Marks &
> Spencer.

It got me thinking about the "relief" of items. It is a well established
concept that people often have items in their possession relieved of their
presence. Does this then mean that the item in question is unhappy with it's
station in life and pleads with passing strangers to relieve it of it's
misery? Could this mean that a kleptomaniac is just someone who can't bear
to see items in need of relief? The theory does stand up (to a point of
course) when used in reference to B&S. You don't hear of original pressings
of tigermilk being in need of relief from their oppressors. Therefore it
must mean that when an item is relieved of personage, it must be a) horribly
depressed or b) possessed by (in the case of B&S especially) an unworthy
owner.
Of course my theories are completely destroyed when one brings into
consideration the polo-neck. How a delicious creature can be so unhappy as
to be relieved when still unsoiled is a mystery even to me.

I would like to thank the few of you that have lasted the tiresome length of
my opening opus and hopefully give you great relief in the knowledge that it
shall not be repeated for a long while as I'm now going to go and sit in the
corner and hang my head in shame.

Thank you for your considerable time.

Jeremy


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