Sinister: Romans Apply Rouge In The Oddest of Places

Tue Mar 20 17:55:43 GMT 2001

Epically, my pigsnies, epically ~

Before these girls turn all of you sinister boys into a skeletal swarm of 
aneorxics, I must put my two cents in. (I expect change in return too.)  
Skinny schminny!  I really couldn't care less about a guy's weight but 
disappearing when you turn sideways usually is not a bonus on the 
attractiveness scale. Nor would I tag it as "sexy." Plus, I must confess to 
getting weak in the knees when it comes to chubby boys. They're so adorable! 
I suppose slightly strapping isn't bad either. Throw in dark hair, glasses, 
and a slightly scruffy awkward out of place look and you have... Well, you 
have every single boy I've ever had a crush on. This includes the one  I 
happily saw last night who I've liked from afar since 1993. I think I even 
have Blake beat on hopeless crushes there. I figure any year now I'll work 
up enough courage to say "hello." Of course, this is assuming by that time I 
will still be able to walk and won't be relying on the aid of a walker which 
will reduce me to a seductive shuffle.

And though I don't think "fetish" is the appropriate term I must also 
confess that I have a *thing* for boys in yellow jackets. I have no idea 
where it came from but I have never seen a guy wearing a yellow coat who 
wasn't anything but dead sexy. Now, I won't even go into Mr. Burns 
imitations, Yankee accents, and "I'm your huckleberry" obsessions.

Speaking of seductive Mr. Burns imitations, I'm glad to see that Primitive 
Painter has returned to our list! Yay! He's my endless supplier of jammie 
dodgers and pixies music. This time he has showered us with lurid tales of 
the (e)N(e)ME(a) and racism. I'm like Jay in that I'm normally pale but tan 
surprisingly well. I usually turn so dark that my ethnicity is usually 
questioned. Aww, you know I'm just like J-Lo over here. "No estoy Isobel 
Campbell."  However, with the exception of my wet T-shirt exploits in 
Charleston last summer I have shunned the sun since High School thus making 
me into quite the whitey. So, no prejudice against me here. Poor Ian though 
with those nasty neighbors. When I lived out west I had a roommate from 
California who automatically assumed that since I was form the South that I 
was racist. She used to frequently make snide remarks about how my ancestors 
had owned slaves, etc. I finally moved after a relatively short time in 
hopes that I would erase her fear that one day she might walk into our dorm 
room to find me in my confederate flag bikini dancing around to "Dixie" 
(which is what I always use as my talent in all the beauty pageants I 
enter).

I doubt that "Dixie" is one of the songs on DDR though. Julie said, "There 
is nothing more fun than DDR. DDR is better than sex and posts by George 
Henry Dickey, although I can't guarantee that it's more fun than sex WITH 
George Henry Dickey, I suppose."  I'm among the ignorant in that I haven't 
tried DDR, having sex with Ohh Henry, or even Ribena for that matter. 
However, this leaves me to be quite unbiased in opinion. Thus, I'm the 
perfect candidate to try all three and tell you which is superior. I know 
it's  'generous of me but I'm always willling to sacrifice for this list.

Dreams have been all the talk lately. I figure if Belle and Sebastian aren't 
worthy enough to be mentioned in my posts, why should I be dreaming about 
them? Plus, the one I did have was none too pleasant (For details see: 
http://www.missprint.org/sinister/mhonarc/200001/msg00166.html).
However, my nightly slumbers have been chalk full of Sinister. I'll briefly 
recount:

Dirty Dream #1:  I was at a prison in a group therapy session except for 
being in the usual circle it was like a party with lots of mingling. 
Sinister stars were Pinefox, Martin Robinson, and James. The last encounter 
I had before I awoke was some random boy telling me how he liked to have sex 
with burning animals.

Dirty Dream #2:  I blame this one on JenOwl's comment of, "Why do my friends 
and boyfriends always end up as either rapists, sadists, stalkers, Mormons 
or nutjobs?" which kept me laughing for days. I dreamt that she had been 
baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Thus, she had 
to quit Sinister because if she wasn't going watch rated R movies anymore 
she certainly wasn't going to read our smut laden posts.

Dirty Dream #3:  I was at a Sinister party which featured Honey dancing in 
the middle of throngs of list members (notice i didn't say in the middle of 
list members in thongs). However, I was off in the shadows with Prissy 
Chrissy. We were involved in some shady and deliciously wicked plot which 
involved messing with the electrical wires. I don't remember much except we 
were both wearing pink shirts which said "milkmaids" in white across the 
chest. Chrstiaan, of course, looked seductively sexy. (Forget Shoulder Girl. 
Chrstiaan curled up in bed with his lapto
p is my choice of a glossy pinup  for my computer's wallpaper!)

Before I leave, I must also confess my unadulterated love for the 
Sillustrations. Thanks to them I can now say I'm a fox with a hot tail! Of 
course, I could also say I'm a cross dressing sassy Eskimo but I think I 
shall stick with the first. However, just because I have laid claims to 
being sillustrated as such does not mean that I owe anything to the body 
parts gallery. Why if I were to follow the rule of sending it snaps of 
everything I mentioned I would owe a thigh, breasts, and - due to the 
anti-cupid post - wings.

Sounds just like a bucket of chicken to me, only without the complimentary 
hot buttery biscuits thrown in.

Laura
"meeting all those Laura Llew needs since 1977"

ps - much love to Vee for her help :)  She rocks!
pps - if Jen's quote had me laughing for days, Mr. 'We Want More of" Moore's 
"Ll's Belles" had me in stitches for weeks. Thank you kindly, Sir.
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