Sinister: Apologies

[David Howie]

Subject: Apology

I reckon I owe a couple (if not three, possibly four) apologies to various 
people all connected with Sinister, so if you’ll allow me I will make them 
and be on my way.  Humbled.  The order of my apologies is in no way 
representative of the relative importance of the respective apologies merely 
a signal of which apology comes to mind first.  Well, first: Danny.  I guess 
I owe you a pretty big apology for my utterly disrespectful and unwelcoming 
e-mail.  I guess I should point out its flaws and say sorry.

1.  My introduction served merely to justify my little rant to myself by 
disguising it as a “gentle chiding”.  Pah.  You are totally correct in using 
inverted commas in your riposte; my e-mail was no more a gentle chiding than 
Hitler’s tousmache was attractive.  You are entirely correct in pointing out 
the subjective nature of my use of the term.  And I apologise, it was a mask 
behind which you obviously seen.  The first e-mail you sent to the list 
should have been welcomed with open-arms (I know I feel sad when I see 
peoples’ first posts go by unnoticed).  That’s not what sinister is about; 
my take on it is that we’re a community (however, not in the Amon Duul 1 
sense of the word) and that we should be civil and welcoming (but not to the 
point of Christianity – “The only thing wrong with Heaven is that its full 
of Christians”, Atheist, 4:19).

2.  My pompous declaration that your description of the 13th note was an 
inferior piece of description was totally arrogant and self-adulating 
(self-serving?)  I think that it wasn’t meant as totally sincere but I can 
see how it came across as pompous, and I guess at heart it was 
verbosity-as-showing-off.  Sorry.  Such verbal wankery I shall leave to 
proggers from now on.  I even reckon my comments about being Sinister Junior 
Reporter were implicitly “Ha ha, I’ve been here longer than you; you’ll 
never reach my status”.  I feel so ashamed.  Sorry.  I guess I can be a 
little smug at times.  I am sincerely sorry; and would not blame honey is 
she stripped me of the post as it would be deserved.

3.  My comments on Camera Obscura were unjustified as well seeing that I’ve 
only heard three of their songs; as were my comments on Baxendale (“although 
quite why you’d want to”).  However, I do stand by my opinion that they 
don’t sound that much like B&S (more like Felt, High Llamas, Idlewild at 
their poppiest perhaps) but that is no excuse for jumping on your comments; 
thus, I apologise, again.  Again, my comments regarding Hefner were 
ego-serving and arrogant.  Sorry.

4.  I guess I just felt threatened and when threatened Male persons (or 
possibly just me) tend to retreat and show their fangs.  You are the first 
person I really ‘know’ on sinister (as if anyone can really ‘know’ anyone 
but that’s a whole other discussion – and probably apology); and I guess I, 
sorry I know, that I wanted to assert my membership upon you without 
appearing too much of a prat to sinister (hence the “gentle chiding” 
disclaimer).  I know that those feelings were silly and irrational; and I’d 
like to welcome you to sinister (God, I sound like a Scientologist).

5.  Friends?  Please?

Now, I said I had some other apologies didn’t I.  Well, the first is to 
Sinister itself.  I apologise for writing such a self-indulgent mail and I’m 
sorry you had to read it.  I know sinister is about… Well, what is sinister 
about?  Certainly not anything contained in my bellicose e-mail.  I know 
saying sorry may not be good enough; but I hope that you’re as forgiving as 
you are nice.

Third apology: Honey.  My handling of the whole e-mail address, although not 
bellicose, was dithery and dozy and transformed a two minute job into a 7 or 
8 e-mail job.  I guess I’m just a bit slow sometimes, and if some of my 
e-mails appeared abrupt or irate then I’m sorry.  I wasn’t irate but I can 
see how it might have come across that way; sorry Paul (and Linda).

Fourthly?  Mathematics?  It seems I am unable to count.  I guess I’ve said 
all I can say on this subject; I apologise.

Now onto the subject that we’re here to discuss: anything.  No, only 
kidding.  Belle & Sebastian.  I too am absolutely delighted that they're 
releasing Middle Distance Runner (told you so, teehee).  I've never heard it 
live but I did hear it on the tube when they played it and it does contain 
the best guitar fill ever, no?  Do you think that Paper Boat is amazing, 
Danny?  I think its Stuart David’s songs (for B&S) I’m not sure about them 
(see: Winter Wooskie, Seymour Stein).  I’ve heard Poupee De Cire… on a nasty 
thirtieth generation mp3 or something; but it is still pretty good.  I agree 
Isobel is pretty damn perfect; oh, and on the song.  I think it’s the 
paranoid strings (guitars?) that tend to scare people to the quick.  Very 
Forever Changes-era Love.

Anyways.  That’s my fifteen minutes.

Thank you,

David.

PS Danny if you want to talk or anything (about music, anything) just 
e-mail, please.

PPS  My new sinister reporter e-mail address (dependent upon whether I get 
to keep the tag) is sinreporter at missprint.org  Report all your sins to me.  
:)

PPPS  Should I send the lyrics of “Take Your…” and “Big John Shaft” to the 
list?  Neil?



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