Sinister: i am the one who's making do.......

[john john]

hi,

what a mess...
i managed to cry myself to sleep last night.  that's the first time it's 
happened in a number of months.  i think i needed it too..

it's silly..
someone i haven't even met before is moving somewhere else.  it probably 
means that i won't hear from them again.  but last night, i could feel my 
heart shattering. the concept of not being able to talk to them again 
(they're absolutely amazing) was hard enough, but they're moving to some 
place that i want to go to.  more than any place i've ever wanted before. 
even more than those big pools filled with those wee foam balls.

so i was left in tears last night. i think it might've been ok, but for one 
sentence.

"if i don't see you again, enjoy the rest of your life"

that's what triggered everything off. i didn't want to have to think about 
stuff like that. but there's more.

i was at this barbeque yesterday, in honour of my friend who is going to the 
army on tuesday.  he's only a few weeks older than me, but he's going away 
to start the rest of his life. the only other young people there had already 
left school, and are going away themselves soon. it seems as if i'm the 
person being left behind, to rot away in the north of scotland for the rest 
of forever.

his dad came up from anpther part of scotland. all that way, just to give 
him a hug & to see his face light up when he receives the father's present. 
i was so moved. i've known this friend for 12 years, and that was the first 
time i'd ever met his father.

so i woke up this morning, hardy being able to see. the tears must have 
dried up in my eyes or something.  but i feel so much better.  like 
breathing the air after a huge downpour, especially if there's been 
lightning. the air's so pure, & it smells gorgeous. anyway, that's what i'm 
feeling just now.


eek, this is a bit too thick for a mailing list.
i appreciate it though if you read this.
*hug*

x x x

p.s. everyone should download the Red Bull Doser's 'Me & a Dream Bubble'.  
i've never heard such a gorgeous song for ages.
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