Sinister: The start of the journey.

[Sunset .]

And I suppose this is the best part. Safe, secure, uncommitted, I could 
change my mind, but I won’t, something is about to change.
It is the best kind of day for a new beginning. Not too perfect. Why would 
anyone ever change anything if everything was perfect? Today is a day is 
definitely a day for a new beginning
It is bright but with what could be the slight chill of wind and a slight 
greyness. I notice the weather a lot it is something you can rely on to be 
changeable.
Other things well other things you have to look harder for change but often 
if you do you will find it.
Yesterday for instance standing at a bus stop looking at the same old 
buildings. The shapes, the same colours, the same things I see everyday of 
my life just about.  Not exactly the ideal place to look for change you 
might think? Well you would be wrong.
I was staring at the wall of a block of flats I must have seen a million 
times before. Normally, though, I would see it as just that, a wall, but for 
some reason yesterday I saw the bricks. It was brilliant; they weren’t even 
shapes at all but sort of rounded and comforting. The colours varied so much 
from one to another I wondered how I could have gone all of this time just 
seeing the wall. All the same just like that my life changed I would never 
be able to stand at that bus stop and see the whole wall without the bricks. 
That all seems a long time ago now. And I’m getting off the point here, 
sorry. I just got a bit carried away there.
I have yet to tell you that the most important change that happened to me 
recently. It happened a few hours ago when I woke up.
This morning the world disappeared leaving me wondering why. The quiet that 
surrounded me cushioned the blow because the idea that there was nothing 
left to fear would have scared me quite a bit.
I've been lying here for an hour or so now and there’s nowhere left to go. 
But its alright I have everything left to see.
The emptiness that was normally inside of me was gone but somehow it now 
surrounded me... And instead of being on the outside looking in I was on the 
inside looking out. And surely that’s not a normal thing to happen? But I 
have nobody to ask about this so maybe it’s just my perception of the 
situation. Everybody else seems to have disappeared along with the world.
Maybe you will understand why this day is not completely perfect now… and 
maybe you will understand why today is a good day for the start of this 
journey…
Now you will forgive me for making an assumption here. I may of course be 
completely wrong but I shouldn’t think too many people have woken up to find 
this has happened to them. This being the case I should try to tell you what 
it feels like.
Have you ever been in a room with a group of friends all talking and 
laughing but you felt completely alone? That is what happens to me. Not that 
it is a bad thing to happen.
Its just that I often find myself in a little world of my own about a 
million miles away from other people. Sometimes I can be listening to a 
conversation smiling and nodding and maybe even laughing but I’m not quite 
there I’m somewhere else. And then I start thinking “well if I’m not here 
and other people aren’t aware of that then maybe they aren’t here either.” 
And then when I start to think along those lines I can’t help wonder how 
many million miles apart we all are.. It makes me feel very small and very 
alone.
That feeling of being alone is just a fraction of what I felt this morning. 
It is nothing compared to waking up and realising that the world had got 
bored of my half-hearted participation. and  decided to leave me.
And seeing as I am alone I should finish these words now… Let them float off 
and create a little bit of life for themselves. Maybe this will be the start 
of my new world or maybe this  just the beginning of the journey… The best 
part I suppose…


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