Sinister: Love is a roomful of strangers, love is a suitcase filled with danger

[jarkko frantila]

Ever feel that someone has fucked you up the arse without using any 
lubricants? Yes. Normally I'm not into this "blah blah My name's 
Elizabeth/My life is shit and piss blah blah", but let me introduce you to 
my past week. Ladies and gentlemen...

1)
Went to a doctor. He gave me pills for my stomach. Stress-releted, he said. 
I knew it. Two weeks of medication.

2)
Called this school. Didn't get in. I've been sweating in this shithole I 
call "office" for 3 fucking years now. After I finished high school, I've 
only been working in these shitplaces, getting salary that is next to 
nothing. Five years ago I dispised all those people who worked in an office 
and didn't get anywhere with their lives. Now I'm one of those people.

3)
Fast forward two days. Got dumbed by my girlfriend. Textmessage. Beeb beeb 
said my cellphone. "You're right, I don't want to be with you anymore." One 
year, three months. You see that toilet? You see the times we've spent? Now 
watch: Swoooosh!
Knock knock? Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Your life. Fuck off.

4)
Went to a party on friday to get drunk and sober my thoughts (you know how 
it works, don't you?). Went for a smoke. Two people were lying in the 
staircase, the other one bleeding like hell. I ran upstairs, where this girl 
was trying to call the ambulance. I ran and ran and ran through the street, 
trying to find some sign where I could see which street we were on. Found 
it.
The ambulance came. Only then I realized that the guy bleeding was this 
friend of a friend. The other one lying there motionless on the staircase 
was his brother.
The next day I heard the brother was in the hospital and something was wrong 
with his neck. This is the final day: Today they are going to decide if he's 
going to live or not.

5)
Heard my girlfriend spent her saturday (including the night) with this guy I 
never really rated but now just _utterly_ dispise. The arsefucker I 
mentioned you before, remember? Him. This is an oldie, but: Have you ever 
felt that you really, really _hate_ someone? Multiply it by five, and you 
might understand how I feel.

God bless Steve Albini And Shellac and the brilliant album 1000 hurts for 
giving me a way to cope with my feelings:

_________________________________________________________________________

To the one true god above
here is my prayer
Not the first you've heard
But the first I wrote
Not the first,
but the others
were a long time ago

Him ,just fucking kill him
I dont' care if it hurts
Yes, i do
I want it to
Kill him, but first
Make him cry like a woman
No particular woman
Let him hold out
Hope that
Someone or other might come
And fucking kill him
Fucking kill him
Kill him alaeady, kill him
Fucking kill him
Kill him, already, kill him
Fucking kill hims
Fucking kill him
Kill him, already, kill him
_________________________________________________________________________

Fuck. That's psychotic, isn't it? But it helps me, to get my aggressions out 
just by listening something. It really does.

Try it.

Goddamn it's a beautiful day.

-Love and other stuff that makes you feel funny in your tummy, Jake

ps: Steven Kado, be back this week with the Helsinki- info. If you still 
want to hear from me, that is...=)

pps: God I love her.
_________________________________________________________________________
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