Sinister: that would be an arrow lying right there, sir, and a man crouched behind a rock: more orders, sir?

[Gordon]

DISCLAIMER: this is not about religion, just hard to avoid a story that
is in a certain book, the general gist of which is another matter
entirely.


     "...Jonathan became one in spirit with David and he loved him
     as himself."
     is about as smutty as the bible gets.  Apart from Songs of
     Solomon, the
     'Lady Chatterley's Lover of the Old Testament'.  Anyway, even
     today there
     are heated arguments between biblical fundamentalists &
     liberals, etc etc.

     says Rob Butler


I found myself on the train this morning reading the Bible and taking
notes, which is something I, erm, don't normally do. For those of you
unfamiliar with the story (as I was), God has decided that King Saul of
the Israelites has an attitude problem and goes about finding a new
model. This wee shepherd from Bethlehem (sounding pre-emptive, huh? the
Bible's good at the prequels) plays a mean lyre, and charms his way into
the King's chambers, and being fraternal or however with Jonathan, King
Saul's son.
Anyways, the wee kid also has a way with a slingshot and after the
Philistine (an enemy of the Israelites) Goliath is dispatched Dave's
reputation begins to outshine the increasingly jealous king. David fears
for his life, and plans to take an extended vacation over the feast of
the New Moon (why don't we have those hols any more?) to test the water
vis-a-vis King Saul's attitude issue. Being buddies with our Jonathan,
he confides in him and they arrange some weird codes involving
arrow-shooting whilst David hides behind a rock in a field. The idea is,
once Jonathan has presented David's excuses to his dad when David
doesn't turn up for tea, he'll get the measure of how pissed off the old
man is with David. Turns out he is, so Jonathan fires an arrow, tells
his boy-servant (all these wee boys!) to go fetch it then when he's at
it yells loudly that it's still beyond him. This is the cue for David to
scarper. The plan B was for Jonathan to fire three arrows and, on
sending his wee fella to go get them, he'd a yelled 'they're lying
beside you!'. Quite what the young servant is supposed to make of these
bizzare instructions is anyone's guess, but I suppose it's code for :
the single arrow that goes beyond is David's direction in life and, if
it were three arrows beside, well, that's Jonathan, David and dad King
Saul a happy unit again.
What's cool about Biblical plotting is that both scenarios ultimately
occur.
When Dave's the big man in charge, he gets news of the deaths of Saul
and his sons, inclvding (sorry, gone latin there in my typing-haste) our
Jonathan. Curiously, the former who bode him ill and the latter who done
good by him get equal treatment, when David writes a wee song in honour
of their memory, with much use of a lyric to the effect of 'How the
mighty have fallen.'

Now I know it's not God alone who knows the lyrics to Belle and
Sebastian's version, or take or what, but it won't be long now till we
can all find out.

You can see, by the way, I'm no Biblical scholar and forgive my
irreverent tone if you're a fan of thee olde piety, but I'm human, all
too human :)

Gordon

P.S. That utilitarianism thing is plain daft like: is getting drunk good
or evil? Is is good cos it makes me happy; evil cos it gives me a
hangover? Evil cos it's a general annoyance, or good cos it pricks a few
ballons? Or baloons, if you speak English...

Perhaps I should quit whilst I'm behind, and you can't see me...

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