Sinister: Longing... so what's different today?

[Sunset .]

When you are worrying about something it is quite difficult to think about 
anything except what you are worrying about.
And that's a pity because if you could stop thinking about it for a little 
while little while things wouldn't seem quite so bad. If you could just stop 
for a little while and start thinking about things like orange moons or pink 
skies things would be infinitely better.

But when you are worrying your mind goes round in circles returning to that 
nasty something lurking just under the surface.

Even when you aren't directly thinking about the thing you are worrying 
about you can feel its presence somewhere in the pit of your stomach. So you 
keep your teeth clenched and head down and hope that it won't find you just 
yet.

Little things become big things. Big things become even bigger.

Tonight I'm worrying…
All I want right now is to be with someone. Safe within their arms and for 
them to tell me things will be okay.  But that isn't going to happen 
tonight.
Instead I let my dog sit next to me and I  pat her head and tell her things 
will be alright. After a while I start to believe it too. But it isn't easy 
being reassuring on your own so I enter someone else's world for a little 
while. I put on a CD.  Maybe the red one. I listen to someone else's voice.

I let the music carry me through me. I let the music make me feel less 
alone. I concentrate hard to distract my mind from the path it has become 
determined to follow. Gradually I relax and I find myself trying a little 
less. I am swept up in the songs.

These are songs I have taken with me from place to place and return I have 
found them taking me to places. These songs have protected me from things 
that I fear by becoming my friends and holding my hand at the bus stop, or 
infiltrating my speech, gently reassuring me, in even the most difficult 
circumstances.

Tonight they don't take away the worry, or even the loneliness, but they 
make me happier.

Take Care and !viva rachels!

Rachel (sunnyside up)

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