Sinister: is it sad that lemonade is the only happy thing in my life?

[s.arnot at xxx.com]

hiya peeps,

my mind has been in a very curious place of late.  i can't describe it.  the world seems to consist entirely of numbness, although with some underlying annoyance, like a small, sharp pebble in your shoe.  only not like that at all.  i have been brought out of this strange, strange place by a few things in this last week, but the memory of those things does not seem to help me.

the first was a girl.  i have seen her for three consecutive weeks now, in the camel club in huddersfield, and for three weeks we have made prolonged eye contact and danced to the same songs, sometimes confident enough to dance next to each other, sometimes not.  my friends think it is hilarious.  we have not spoken.  i have a feeling that the reason i have not spoken to her, it that deep down, i feel that this might ruin something. i don't know what.  i would quite like to just sit next to her, and hold her hand.  without saying a word.

the second thing to remove me from my little world was lemonade.  upon waking on sunday morning, i needed a drink of something, and so reached for the half-empty bottle of tesco value lemonade on the desk by my bed.  upon drinking it, and in a rare moment of clarity, it suddenly struck me quite how strange the sensation of drinking fizzy juice is.

finally, i went to see mogwai last night.  during their set, i was completely entranced, and had no need for stupid feelings and thoughts, just for standing still and quiet, eyes closed and letting everything flow through me.  i hoped this morning , that when i woke i would be able to recreate this by listening to mogwai through my headphones and lying still on my bed, but those hopes were in vain.

i am having to concentrate on the excitement of the mix tape competition to try to gain some feeling, reading the comments of my fellow rachels brings a smile to my face, a smile which will turn to one of satisfaction at the rachels triumph in weeks to come.

this post has been quite cathartic, and i thank you for listening.  i think i think too much, but also not enough.

piddlemonkey/ rachel griddlemonkey 

lo-fi songs are GRATE

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