Sinister: Re: hello...myfirsttime

[Carolyn Jacobson]

On Mon, 29 Oct 2001, Carolyn Jacobson wrote:

> hello
> This is my first time writing here, as I just joined the list about a
month ago. I
> thought I might write a poem and see what you think.  It's untitled, but
> feel free to give it one if the mood strikes.
> 
> My tears were supressed by the freedom of falling.  Floating through warm
> open blackness.  It was only the epitome of nothingness that allowed me to
> see the invisible sky as a vast starfield.  All that I need to survive is
> my own emotions, and the willingness to solve my unbelieving brain.  But
> when it hurts too much to cry, and feels to good to smile, I unknowingly
> stumble into an oblivion.  All along the boundaries, bright purple flames
> flickered and sparked.  The crackling was louder than ever before, and the
> violet light blinded me.  I tried to escape the emptiness, but there was
> no exit. There was no way out!  Then, in the midst of all the commotion
> that failed to exist, I felt the thump of my own heart.  The force that
> causes my heart to beat, continuously, had come when uncalled, and will
> remain, until the nature of my unconscious occurs in that manner again.  I
> am back in place.
> It was written during a time when much confusion was cluttering my life.
> Here's one written about 3 weeks ago, about the ending of one
> relationship that was dragged out too long, and the beginning of something
> that ended before it began
> And the mountains chavged colors slowly
> and teh air froze mid-sentence
> and I could just leave now
> and never look back, at your face full of anger
> You're my stranger that will never be again
> and is it just a coincidence that he came around while you were gone?
> or is it a mistake that I fell for you at all?
> And the rain turned to sorrow
> and the tears turned to isolation
> and I could throw it all away now and never look at the photographs
> You're no longer my affection that I need anymore
> And is it just an accident that I ended up with someone?
> Or is it my fate to be alone? 
> And your eyes filled up with pain disguised as anger
> and your smile faded into the background
> and I could see your heart sink below the ocean waves
> you're around too much, but never with anything to say.
> 
> It must be over.
> nothing special, just a little bit of useless thoughts, clogging the
brain...anyways, the one thing you all should know about me is that my
favorite belle and sebastian song at this moment(for it changes
frequently)is Expectation.  
 > If you read this far, thanks, and I hope to get some opinions. > much
love, 
> carolyn
> 
> 

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