Sinister: Sinister :(

[MyMomSays at xxx.com]

    There was a time in my life when I thought that emoticons were really, 
really bad news---I was probably under the influence of someone 
hipper-than-thou who decided showing emotion was just crap--that never ending 
anything with an ounce of punctuation was best; yeah, being monotone is just 
the cat's pajamas--I have a friend who has a monotone voice. Although, when 
she gets excited her voice ladders up a few octaves and kind of gets squeaky, 
but usually only one word in a sentence is affected by this phenomenon (i.e.: 
"What are you TALKING about.").  Whenever I call her house and ask for her, 
her brother (who also has this weird monotone voice) will not-so-quietly take 
the phone away from his ear and yell, also, punctuationless and emotionless: 
"Darcy Darcy Darcy." Please keep in mind that he is YELLING this.. and 
manages to yell it COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ALL EMOTION. 
    I like to put a lot of dramatics into my voice; when something is 
exciting, I usually exclaim it to a ridiculous degree and also, manage to 
scare the wits out of the person to whom I am talking by grabbing their 
jacket or their arm or their shirt sleeve to emphasize the sheer EXCITEMENT 
of it all.  Then, after all that, I will give them a look.  The look is sort 
of an intense stare, mouth agape--a stare that I'd like to summon up as: "I 
JUST CAN'T PHANTOM THIS!"   How does this sheer excitement translate online? 
Well, usually-- simply, CAPITAL LETTERS and.. well, !!!!! and more !!!!!! and 
yet more CAPITALS and another couple of !!!!!. It doesn't work out nearly as 
well as I'd planned. I cannot do the intense staring, nor the jacket 
grabbing. 
    Funnily enough, the emoticon of ":(" manages to break my heart. That glum 
little parenthesis, its curvature leaking onto the metaphysical chin on the 
page--those open, teary, never blinking colon eyes--I automatically 
metaphysically flip to an illustration of a sad, eager-looking dog, a 
weepy-looking, dopey dog--preferably one who is homeless, and, well, as a 
consequence of its homelessness, REALLY sad. So at the first initial glances 
of this emoticon, "The frowny face", I, too, frown. Poor little frowny face. 
I don't actually feel sorry for the sayer of this emoticon--but rather, the 
emoticon itself.  If I see a person frown, it is usually completely affected 
and cartoony. Do people actually FROWN when they are sad? I mean, at times 
when one is crying the mouth automatically turns down in an attempt to 
not-cry, but, really.. frowning is such an action that was totally invented 
by cartoons. No one frowns. Except on the computer screen, and that's when it 
really gets to me. 
    It seems that the really joyful emotions are so comedic and social--being 
happy involves grabbing someone's jacket and laughing and staring intensely 
through smoke--the other ones, though, the ones I see most often on the 
computer screen; they just aren't visual. Or visible. When I'm sad I go to 
two places: under my covers, or online into #sinister.  I'm thankful for 
those who have had to see me come to a point where I'm tapping out a frowny 
face; it doesn't happen all together too often, but when it does, thank you.  
And for others who want to use a frowny face--well, I'd hope to think I could 
do the same. 
    Ok, enough of me being sappy. ;)

Hands on the table,
mandee m a y
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