Sinister: It can't be love, for there is no true love

[Matthew Henderson]

Hello everyone in sinisterland,

Love and emotions abound on the list these days, and congratulations to the 
recently married!  (Please, do not read any further)  New relationships are 
blossoming, some are in troubbble, but that's the cycle of "love" i suppose.

Me, I don't think I've ever been in love.  I seem to remember thinking it at 
one point, and I know I said it several times, but I just don't think I was. 
  If I was, it didn't leave a very lasting impression.  I suppose hindsight 
can only be 20/20 if you can still see it.  I can't remember much, nor do I 
really want to.  I know I was happy for a time, but I don't remember why or 
when.  I don't think I actually believe in love.  Well, that romantic, 
relationship love.  It seems in all (2) the relationships I've had, seems go 
well, but they go sour after a bit, I grow tired of it all, and move on.  
Usually it's some damned annoying scene, where I kind of coldly tell them 
it's best we break up, blah blah blah.  The crying begins, and all I can 
think about is getting home and sleeping, or watching a movie, or perhaps 
I'm thinking of the song in my head.  Whatever is going on, I don't really 
care.  I feel bad about this, but does that mean I do care (see Ben Folds 
Five "Jane")?  I really don't think so.  I think I feel bad because I'm 
selfish, and I'd like to think of myself as emotional or caring or 
something.  I love all you people for being emotional, and I hope you stay 
that way.  Never hide anything.  I suppose I live vicariously through your 
emotions.  I get excited when I read about good things happening to a lot of 
you, and I feel sad when things aren't going so well.  I don't feel that way 
with my friends, or family, or my girlfriends or ex-girlfriends.  I don't 
feel much of anything towards any of them.

It's because of this I don't think I've ever really been in love.  I love 
songs, I love movies, and maybe I've loved the idea of someone, but never 
that actual person.  It all comes up a big disappointment.  I just don't see 
love lasting forever.  I don't see how it could possibly happen.  I'm sure 
it can somewhere, but I've never seen it.  I'd like to believe in love, but 
it seems more like an idea than an actual thing.  Hmm...has this turned into 
rambling?  I think it has.  So I'll stop.

The beautiful and glamorous Kirsten Kenyon mentioned geese, and Dave added 
to it.  I agree with you, they are horrible creatures.  I was once attacked 
by a goose, and it was an awful experience.  I was trying to feed the 
bastard, and it went nuts on me.  I was like Pauly Shore and that damn 
turkey.  Or not.

So I realized the White Stripes song "Union Forever" comes from citizen Kane 
last week.  Does everybody else know this but me?  Does Jack seem like a 
jerk to anyone else?  He seemed to be when I saw him, but Meg was cute. :)

I saw Wilco last week.  Everyone needs to see them, their new stuff is 
incredible.  And Jeff Tweedy's a much nicer guy than I expected.

I saw Beulah Monday night, which was great too.  Everyone should see them.  
Their new album is amazing.  It seems such a shame that there were only 
about 120 people at the show tops, and most didn't stay for the whole thing. 
  I can't believe all the people in Atlanta don't realize what's going on in 
their own city.  They take the fact that they live so close to such great 
stuff for granted, whilst I have to drive five hours there and five hours 
back in one night for a three hour concert.

Does anyone else think Richard Gillanders is one of the coolest names 
around?

I need to finish reading for history.  I don't think this post made much 
sense, so I'm sorry about that.

-Matt
P.S. Ken is right, I proved it this weekend.  Red Bull and Vodka is 
fantastic.
P.P.S.  Happy birthday to all you sinisters who had birthdays in the past 
week!

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